Can Your Home Become a Third Place?

An exploration of modern gathering, inspiration from the hospitality industry, and stories of homes turning into communal third places.

In 1989, Taylor Swift was born. Also, the book The Great Good Place by sociologist Ray Oldenburg was published, where he used the phrase “third place” to describe places for informal social gatherings separate from work and home.

Home is first place, work is second place, and he credits spaces like coffee shops, libraries, parks, taverns, lodges, and recreation centers as third places.

His formal definition of a third place is, “a generic designation for a great variety of public places that host the regular, voluntary, informal, and happily anticipated gatherings of individuals beyond the realms of home and work.”

Oldenburg defined all third spaces’ key characteristics as follows:

• They are on neutral ground and level the status of all guests

• Conversation is the main activity

• The mood is playful

• Strangers are welcome

• Regulars feel a piece of themselves in the space, as they would in their own homes

“The character of a third place is determined most of all by its regular clientele and is marked by a playful mood, which contrasts with people’s more serious involvement in other spheres.

Though a radically different kind of setting for a home, the third place is remarkably similar to a good home in the psychological comfort and support that it extends...They are the heart of a community’s social vitality, the grassroots of democracy, but sadly, they constitute a diminishing aspect of the American social landscape.” — Ray Oldenburg

His research further details the negative consequences of the home-to-work-to-home-to-work lifestyle on the well-being and health of the individual.

Simply put, we weren’t made to be alone. We were made for community. As he puts it, “there must be places in which people can find and sort one another out across the barriers of social difference.”

The consequence of suburban landscapes and the shift from Main Street to interstate lanes is isolated individuals and families.

But the pendulum is swinging. Realtor Magazine found in a 2023 survey that over 90% of Gen Z and millennials stated they would be willing to spend more money just to have a home in a walkable community.

The desire for a reignited third-place culture is back, but in 1989, could he have anticipated the Blade Runner landscape of 2025?

As the expense of going out, or even grabbing a latte in 2025, can deter us from gathering in many traditional third places, can we turn our own spaces into a viable solution? The home café trend has taken off, and dinner parties are trending. What are the implications of this shift?

This prompted my question: can home be a third place?

I once owned a small business that was completely dependent on people choosing to use it as their third place. To be clear, I am not advocating that gatherings stop in small businesses ever! I’m just curious if, as the cost of living has gone up, we can adapt the principles of third places into our own homes in tandem with traditional third places defined in 1989. If so, how?

To investigate my question further, I immersed myself in my favorite kind of third place.

The Hoxton is a boutique hotel known for its well-designed spaces and communal emphasis. These stylish hotels are global, often plugged into vibrant neighborhoods, frequently hosting artisan markets, meetups, and community events. They are true experts at “third placing.”

I went to the Hoxton in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to investigate the essence of a beautifully-designed third place and see what I could take notes on and incorporate into my own space. What is this expert third place doing that I could implement myself?

Here is what I found:

Coffee & tea as the flavors of “welcome.”

There is something so timelessly welcoming about being offered a beverage upon entering a space. The beverage, in a mug, is an implication of the time you will spend together. You must wait for the hot drink to cool, so you must stay a little longer. It’s a gesture of community without rush.

The lobby of the Hoxton houses both a colorful sunroom and a full-service coffee and tea bar. Before you can even get to the welcome desk, the smell of espresso fills your sinuses as a warm welcome. I am more of a tea person, so I got a hot cup of foamy matcha in the lobby and watched as guests cycled in and out.

The drink is communicating “stay awhile.” And so it is a great practice to implement in your home, too. When someone comes over, offer a cup of coffee or tea, and allow time for genuine conversation to transpire while the drinks cool.

You can scale this practice up with a real espresso machine setup of a true coffee shop and make your own seasonal syrups, or simplify by having a selection of loose-leaf tea and a strainer — depending on your passion for beverages!

Be playful!

Environments really do impact how we feel. Incorporate elements of delight wherever you can: board games stacked neatly, conversation cards, crossword puzzles — anything tactile you can do together. Oldenburg says the element of playfulness distinguishes a third place from the laborious chores of home and work.

Hotels do this practice excellently, and so we should take note. Chocolate on pillows, swan-shaped towels, freshly fluffed bathrobes, and design elements (like an old rotary phone in the Hoxton rooms) all contribute to the feeling of play.

At home, try to incorporate more card games, activities, and whimsical frills when you have people over, just purely for the sake of putting effort into their time with you. Third places allow someone to put their own tasks, concerns, and worries to the side and engage with the present company with delight — sometimes that takes a little extra fluff.

Section places for gathering

Taking notes from hotel interior design, I thought it was brilliant how the Hoxton designed their lobby to have distinct sections for gathering. They used open shelving to divide places to sit — giving guests the option to gather in a more public part of the lobby, or seclude to have a private conversation.

Next time you are considering hosting many people over at once, think of the placement of furniture as a way to encourage different types of connection. Allow guests to privately engage in richer conversation by setting seats for two apart, or around the corner. Conversely, offer a larger table with many seats for guests who want to engage more widely. Likely, they will utilize both options during the course of the event. Think hotel lobby as you set up folding chairs for your next get-together.

Always have things to do

In other words, have a bag of tricks! When there is a lull in hosting, have a secret list of options ready to go. Now, sometimes, a lull is what we need — I’m not suggesting every minute is action-packed or magically aesthetic. Sometimes, just sitting on a couch with people you love with no agenda is exactly what is needed. But if there is genuinely a dip, it’s nice to be prepared and not ask your guests to make up something they want to do without giving them any options.

The Hoxton provided a list of local restaurants, shops, and bakeries they loved in the neighborhood. When we had some downtime, we referenced the list and ventured out to try some new places.

Here are some ideas for your hosting bag of tricks (save for later!):

• Venture out to a small business together — make a time to honor another third place

• Run out to the grocery store to grab your own ingredients to make a meal or dessert together (or use what you already have on hand)

• Go to a nearby park for an impromptu picnic - even with just drinks

• Go to a craft store, bring home a project to do together

• Movie night (with popcorn in hand)

• Play a classic board game, feel free to add your own twist

• Take a walk

• Take a walk and take photos of each other on your walk, as we did in 2012

• Discover somewhere you’ve never been in your own town, together

• Walk a market

• Go thrifting or on a garage sale hunt

• Paint your nails with at-home manicures

• Pamper the family pet randomly with a spa day or DIY treats

Can we go on a walk now?

Fragrance, light, and music do matter

Third places welcome guests into something otherworldly! Priya Parker tells us to “create a temporary alternative world for those who enter.” Consider the music you play, the scent in the air, and the feeling of your space. This is one of my favorite things about hotel design — how every lobby chooses a specific fragrance and why.

What is your home’s signature scent?

The Hoxton lobby smelled like brewing coffee, while sunlight shone in from the skylights. Music was light, while gentle chatter overpowered the space. It felt distinct from the busy streets of New York, but still very New York as people dreamed up projects over coffee, gathered for socializing over K’Far’s avocado toast, or toted their dog through the lobby to get in line for matcha.

You do not need to reimagine your whole space or buy a bunch of candles — just be intentional with what you have. Steeping tea, fresh-cut citrus, open windows, tumbling laundry, classical music — all of this contributes to the feeling of your third place.

Serve others well

Room service! Make guests feel cared for by going out of your way to do so! This can still be casual; it’s just about taking the time to notice someone fully. Do not be so consumed with the dishes in the oven that you forget to notice the person standing in front of you. Notes on service from the Hoxton:

• Always leave water out for your guests

• Let them know they can always reach out if they need something

• Show them around if they’ve never been there

• Always have extra snacks and food on hand

• Make room to play

• Give them space when they need it

---

I am eager and excited to take the inspiration and implement it in my little apartment, and I hope something here struck a chord for you, too.

Do you think homes can truly become third places? Is that a viable option without significant consequences for small businesses? I think we will see this play out in real-time, as in 2026, trends move toward hosting at home.

Funnily enough, I learned that even Oldenburg started his own “saloon” in his garage after he retired. So maybe home can be a third place after all.

---

I asked the Feeling! Magazine community, “Have you ever used your home as a ‘third space’ and what benefits did you see? How would you teach someone to do this in their community?”

And as per usual in the Feeling! comments, incredible insight, and heart-warming stories came forth:

Allison shared:
”We live on a corner lot, and when our house was originally built in the early 00s, the owners decided to purchase the parcel next to the lot so they would have a large side yard. Without this, the true 'behind the house' yard would be incredibly small. Since we have the double lot, we've created a third space for our neighbors and kids. We put in a large concrete pad for basketball and pickleball games, a ninja warrior course, and a trampoline. I built a small vegetable garden in the back corner that the kids know they can pick from and eat (mostly cucumbers, snap peas, cherry tomatoes, and peppers). Kids know they are always welcome to play in our yard, and I often put out a cutting board with random snacks on it after school, like cut-up apples, crackers, pretzels, or slices of cheese. We keep a stack of plastic Adirondack chairs out for adults, and there is also a picnic table. We live in Iowa, so there is a lull in the year, but kids still play outside as long as they can. In the summer months, we often have 8-10 kids in our yard and parents sitting and chatting after work. We didn't have any friends when we moved here, so my husband and I started just sitting outside while our kids (then toddlers) would play. Slowly, people with kids would start saying hi or their kids would see ours and want to play, too. I read once that if you want to have a village, you have to be a villager, and putting ourselves out there in a low-stakes way really paid off.”

Rachel added:
”I have used my home as a third space lots, often with friends or roommates helping host. some ways: neighborhood coffee shop (providing treats and drinks and a place to hang out, long dinners in the summer, winter potlucks, weekly book clubs, Friendsgivings, Galentines, holiday parties, the works! Hosting (for us) (or for anyone) can be big or small — sometimes there’s a theme and a whole event, sometimes its “hey we’ll have snacks come on over.” People come either way!

Two tips I’ll give is that recurring events (ie come over every Friday!) work well and help people know when to hold space in often crowded calendars, and always introduce people when they arrive to at least one other person there, saying something the two have in common so you can help them get a conversation going. It helps people feel at ease and get connected!”

no original experiences shared:
”Growing up, I never really was allowed to have friends over, and so when I finally moved out of my parent's house and out on my own for college, I was determined to have as many hangouts, parties, and dinners as possible with my friends. 5 years later, my house is now the third space me and my friends have always craved. I don't think a day goes by where I don't have at least one friend drop by. On Mondays, we host D&D. Tuesday and Thursday nights are "open invitation nights" for dinners I make. Wednesday are movie nights. Fridays are cocktail nights, where my boyfriend makes all of our friends cocktails he's been trying. Saturdays are full of lunches or dinner parties we host and Sundays are for board games with our friends. Any and all of our friends are always invited, and so we have a steady rotation of friends that show up. One of our friends who is currently still in college likes to refer to my house as their "college home" since they live in the dorms still. This experience has not only been healing for my inner child who had been lonely growing up, but healing for all my other friends who also had lonely childhoods. There is always something to look forward to in my home, and I couldn't be happier!”

Tricia O. shared:
”I moved from Los Angeles to Minneapolis a couple years ago. Bought a house with my husband, and my dream was to have a basement movie theater. We’ll host small screenings of movies, especially in October of horror films. I prefer it to going to actual movie theaters most of the time!”

Hadley added:
”I have a couple we're friends with who have fully mastered the "home as a third space" concept, despite being low-income and having 4 kiddos under 5! Even when they were just married living in a basement apartment and I was a lonely single college kid, there was always an open invitation for joining them for dinner and a movie. The husband is a cook and former bartender and always had ingredients to whip up an amazing dish (even if just one serving), cocktail, or coffee. The wife is a movie & boardgame connoisseur as well as being amazing at helping you process through tough times/emotions. You are always welcome to sleep on their spare bed or couch. They host Irish drinking song nights, Shakespeare play live reads, game nights, and playdates even if their living room floor is covered in laundry and their children are running through the room on their little plastic batman batcycle, and that has always made their home so comfortable and cozy, because you don't feel like you have to perform as a guest. You just are part of their family ecosystem. I know a couple of friends who live in an actual mansion and installed a full bar in their home for entertaining but only host 1/5 of the gatherings these other friends do because you feel so naturally a part of their home.”

---

I wanted to issue a special thanks to The Hoxton for allowing me to stay and enjoy their beautiful space. If you are coming to visit New York, this hotel is a magically colorful place to land. The matcha is perfect, too. You can read more about their restaurants and amenities here.

---

Have you figured out how to make your home a third place? Do you have any success stories or tips you can share with us?

Please add your wisdom to the comment section, and let’s all talk about it.

---

Source: Project for Public Spaces. (2025, June 2). Ray Oldenburg. Project for Public Spaces. https://www.pps.org/article/roldenburg

---

MORE HAPPY THINGS TO SCROLL:

---

🐚 Read more thoughtfully created articles here

🪄 Shop all my favorite things

🍒 Let’s be internet friends, please! @ jennaisfeeling

🪄 Get more inspiration