Getting Your Zest for Life Back
Ten ideas for getting your zest for life back, a word search, and a Book of The Month thriller recommendation.
Today’s post is free for everyone because Book of the Month sponsored it!
The spring, despite the excitement of blooming flowers and warm sunshine, can feel like a sort of Groundhog Day. The excitement from the start of the year and the setting of ambitious goals all fade into a pastel mundanity, where the frustration of unmet hopes simmers politely in the background. Sure, you are on the patio with an iced drink, finally. But something desperate burns in the background. The year is passing by, and the repetition of days feels more like a drag than a routine. Some are angst-filled for something different, something better.
Others are in the most interesting place, with the job they dreamed of, with good people, and still feeling a grinding sense of, “Is this it?”
It sounds like you, my friend, may have lost your zest. Your zest for life, your zest for today. Where did it go? Was it ground down in the fire of loss? Washed away in extreme disappointment? Churned to a knub with daily headlines? Hollowed out by the circumstances that nearly hollowed you out? Spat out by cruelty? Where is that ambitious yet optimistic feeling that there is work to be done, and further, the gumption to do it? That Phineas and Ferb type of problem-solving, youthful ambition, extreme hope, the simple miracle of a “hey, I know what I am going to do today.”
Symptoms of zest-loss may include:
General malaise
An increase in dwelling on how many views your social media post has received recently
Multi-tasking to the extent of forgetting tasks in the middle of them
Hyper-focusing, nay, obsessing on parts of your appearance you want to change
Emotional numbness to the point that you even have a hard time feeling someone else’s pain with them
An increase in online shopping, a fixation on products
Disordered priorities where it feels you are giving more time to things you don’t actually care about
Increased disappointment; even your favorite restaurant tastes worse than usual
Escapism
The need for constant distraction
Many more symptoms may follow, but you generally know when the flavor has drained out of you. You can tell.
A zest for life does not equal positive feelings 24/7. I mean a curiosity, a will to live, a drive to discover, and a future in mind. This does not mean you are bright, bubbly, and blind to all pain; tone deaf to suffering around you. It means you have the oomph to move forward through it all at a timely pace. You have a desire to savor each day, absorbing them as they come, tasting them fully and presently. When’s the last time you focused on completely drying your hands after washing them? Really felt the towel? What about deeply tasting a meal? Or memorizing someone’s laugh?
I present, kindly, ten ideas for bringing zest back to your days. Ten things to help you incorporate a newfound fervor for daily living. NONE of them require you to buy a product, take a course, or do something superficial to self-improve. Some ideas may help, others may not be for you. Life is made up of days, moments, and how you spend your time right now, after all.
Also, be gentle with yourself. There may be incredibly difficult personal circumstances you’ve waded through that have left you feeling how you do — so I am not suggesting you immediately see the glass as half full. It took years to feel better and heal after loss. Even if you aren’t feeling yourself right now, you still need to be nice to yourself rather than expecting perfect feelings. Deal?
Okay, here are ten ideas for getting your zest back:
1. Take it upon yourself to make someone else’s day better
Often, when I am unusually anxious, bitter, low, or stressed it directly correlates to how much I am thinking about myself. In seasons where there is an extreme focus on my performance, appearance, or work, I am the most unstable. We are all likely thinking of ourselves more than is good.
The media we consume teaches us that extreme self-focus is not just necessary but should be celebrated. This is because they know that if we continually fixate on every aspect of ourselves, we will ultimately buy more products to fill the gaps we perceive. More, more, more. But there is a way to take care of your body, mind, and spirit without the unhappy buzz of ingratitude and constant refinement nagging at the corners of your mind each night as you reach for glowing Google to find the next thing to buy to fix a problem that does not exist. (Your chin, your nose, your legs, your hair, your smile, the way you talk, your posture, your jawline, your makeup…the list goes on.)
I have a remedy for the pressure to absorb into oneself and simultaneously be dissatisfied: Give away what you feel you do not currently have. If you feel sad, give someone else joy. If you feel unappealing, give away something beautiful. If you feel bitter, give someone else sweetness. If you feel hopeless, give someone a sense of hope. When you feel unwelcome, welcome someone in. I’m unsure if it is the same for you, but in my experience, in times where my hands are full, occupied, and my mind is on those around me, I go to bed with a happy sense of exhaustion about the day rather than that nagging self-centrism.
Take it upon yourself to go out of your way to make someone else’s day better. This will be like a dunk in crisp salt water for your senses. Bake a cake, call someone, write an intentional note, talk to a stranger, bend over backwards to help someone move, or offer to help a co-worker with something they hate doing. Invite the new kid to your lunch table, for goodness sake. Be like a joy detective, constantly sleuthing for moments you can make better for someone who may very much need that simple action to feel seen. Watch what this practice does to your spirit.
2. Join an assembly line
When was the last time you participated in some type of manual labor that put you in an assembly line? Probably far too long. I used to teach middle school, and sometimes I’d pull out an assembly line. Each student would diligently play a part in packing a donation, organizing a workbook, or even a car wash, etc. Do your small part, and pass it down the line. They would fall into this melodic silence, humming, focusing contentedly. I’d watch the more anxious students ease into it like a balm to their racing thoughts.
Throughout my life, when my anxiety has been untamable, it was often simple repetitive work with my hands that could put my mind at ease when no additional “thinking about it” could do. I remember the morning after I lost a loved one, I sat on the floor and assembled small boxes for my tea brand silently. Coping with it. My suggestion is that you rapidly find a way to get into an assembly line.
Our hands long for the tangible. And our spirits lift at rhythmic work. Knitting, embroidery, sewing, and such skills are like this. Cooking in the kitchen, especially with others, is an assembly line of sorts.
Probably the best way to do it is to volunteer for an afternoon at a non-profit and actually be in a line with other people. Organize donations, serve food cafeteria-style, clean rhythmically, sort paperwork, etc. See what happens to your thoughts when you find something purposeful, rhythmic, and simple to do with your hands. Revisit the assembly line often.
3. Make something big & bold for others
Make something fantastic for the sake of someone else. My very favorite episode of Phineas and Ferb is when they reassemble their parents’ favorite 80s band to perform for their anniversary. It was so ridiculously loving, and this is what I am talking about. Effort, intentionality, and absurdity for the sake of delighting someone you love.
Handcraft a large communal dinner for people who mean a great deal to you. Sew something by hand with someone in mind. Write a story, print it, and give it to someone who inspired it. Write a song and play it for them. Plan a scavenger hunt full of their favorite things. Throw a rock concert in your backyard. Using your time to both plan and execute acts of absurd love will absolutely change you for the better.
4. Reconnect with art, tangibly
Likely, you will not randomly happen upon free time. You will actually have to demand something important of your calendar: time for reconnecting with art, tangibly. Visit a museum, library, craft fair, art show, gallery, concert, or movie theater with the intention of finding work and artists that speak to you. All this will cost is your time and maybe an entry ticket or two. Learn about artistic movements of the past. Find times in history that feel similar to this one, and see what makers made — learn the vocabulary of the movements and the names of the artists who stand out to you.
Further, find and speak directly to artists alive now, making work that speaks to you. Go to a local art fair and just talk to the artists, ask them thoughtful questions, and engage in their work. Invest time in discovering music, writing, and visual work that strikes some specific chord within you. Compile a list to revisit. Make a direct effort to engage in person when possible. Artists often make with this resounding undercurrent of resiliency and possibility that will leave you seeing the world differently. Zest will begin zesting.
5. Intentionally write cards & send them
Once a week, set a timer for 30-60 minutes and write a thoughtful card to 3- 5 people. It could be for an upcoming birthday, a thank you, or just because. Speak to things you appreciate about them, qualities you admire, or memories you share. Think of people who are going through a big change, have been working really hard under the radar, need a boost of hope, or have recently experienced a loss.
Our words hold more power than we know. People are hurting more than we know. Use your words to pour life into others. Putting them on paper makes them a permanent comfort that a person can revisit countless times. With every envelope in the mail, your passion for the people in your life will glow a bit brighter.
6. Self-teach a new skill
How fabulous does it feel to figure something out on your own? When you nail a really good dinner? Or finally got that paint color that makes your living room feel exactly correct? One time I learned some really basic code to get my website to have an effect I really wanted, and I was exuberant. It was a thrill! Never before in history have we had complete access to learn nearly any skill we set our heart on. I think they say if you read seven books on a subject, you are essentially an expert. Not sure what applies to heart surgery, but maybe some home gardening or photo editing, sure.
I often say I want to truly learn how to cook. I could read books, watch online tutorials, and learn the technical skillset I am lacking with relative ease, just time and focus. Have you ever learned something from scratch because you were fascinated with it? I would love to hear about what you taught yourself in the comments and be inspired by you.
7. Connect with someone older than you, younger than you, or preferably both
Do you nearly exclusively spend time with other people your own age? Or just your own nuclear family? I am challenging you to find an “Up” situation and befriend a Carl. Volunteer at a nursing home, join a bingo night (seriously), or meet an older neighbor and intentionally look out for them. Additionally, try helping a family member or friend by babysitting for a night or volunteering as a tutor for students.
There is something deeply human we lose when we disconnect from our roots (childhood) and neglect to think about our future (seniorhood) and live exclusively in an unrooted “right now.” It can make things wildly bland. The richness of a long, beautifully wrinkled and grey life-lived juxtaposed with the colors and screeches of the child who just arrived is a beauty hard to capture. The “village” mentality of our ancestors, where generations are mixed together, is a way of life we have to maintain with effort if we want to experience it.
8. The ol’ fiction and walk
I recommend immersing in a very good fictional audiobook and going on a walk. Look at the world around you; every dog, every cloud, every building, every person. Sink into a story that truly grips your heart. I made a list of recommendations here. Recently, I took one from the list, The Mysterious Benedict Society, and became enraptured by it. The simplicity of a story well told inspires us to face dragons in our own lives. It allows for a healthy escape from our circumstances to encounter characters and places we can relate to our own lives and ponder. It is good to occasionally be really moved by a fairytale.
9. Be in dirt
The sandy beach, a forest creek, your own backyard: whatever it takes. Get your legs and hands dirty. Kick mud. Get your hair wet. Do a cannonball. Embrace an outdoor space for some hours with no screens or devices, just feel the earth deeply. Pay attention to the sun on your skin, the sound the water makes, and the exact shade of the color of the sky. Be in dirt, even briefly, to feel the life come back in your bones.
10. The space cleanse
Reimagine your space in terms of working with what you already have. Our environments deeply affect how we feel. You might spend the majority of your time at home. Reduce visual clutter. Remove things that feel sad, hard, or you associate with hard memories. You don’t have to throw them away, but really think through what you look at daily and sort items out if they sting.
Add color and life where you can. Put fun stuff on your fridge. Frame memories. Pull objects, books, and images that remind you of the best times to the forefront of your space as focal points. Hope is not something you stumble into; it is a muscle to strengthen and a skill to practice. Reorienting your space to fill you with hope will make that skill sharpen further.
In perfect timing for the outdoor and beach reading season, Book of the Month is currently celebrating its 100th anniversary! In April, they are offering new members their first book for just 100 cents!
Use the code HUNDRED at checkout with this link to join in the celebration and get reading! (Preferably, outside with a sparkling drink and a nearby body of water)
I think the Book of the Month puts you at the forefront of discovering new fiction work and new writers. Their subscription plan also allows you to skip over months with no charge, so you can source books as you please.
For my April read, I picked The Ending Writes Itself by Evelyn Clarke, for a page-turning mystery thriller I am eager to dig into.
Hello! I am here to enthusiastically share some favorite things I’ve recently used/worn with you!
If I were a cartoon character who wore the same outfit every episode, I would be drawn in this striped Alex Mill cardigan. It is marvelous in style, and it is of supreme quality. I will be wearing this piece for the long haul.
I keep wearing this bracelet because it looks like candy. I feel like when I throw it on, my outfit instantly becomes more intentional and FUN. I’m trying to make getting dressed more fun (it’s working).
I’ve been using the “sandy pink” Toasty Tint from Thirsty Cowboy (a favorite small business based in Brooklyn) as blush. I always feel like blush fades off my face throughout the day for some reason, but their formula stays on all the way until the end of the day. Genuinely recommend for a sunshiney spring look.
My favorite coasters are from Coming Soon New York. They are this brilliant, flexible resin material, and available in so many vibrant color pairings. These are probably the pieces of home decor I get comments on the most when people come over.
I want to share a genuine, personal recommendation that this serum made my (dry) skin clear up and glow after some rough winter months. Might be the best product I’ve ever used for my face, as it made a noticeable, almost instant difference.
These are jelly ballet flats that smell like BUBBLEGUM. I wear them and feel like Polly Pocket, and that’s a really wonderful feeling.
I really love this brand, Du & Berry, based in Chinatown, NY. I was able to briefly meet the owner/designer and equally enjoyed her spirit and design eye. This knit, which reminds me of jam in the best way, is going to make many appearances in my spring wardrobe.
A Few Notes:
✸ A really exciting giveaway is going on right now in the comments of this post. Be sure to enter soon for a chance to win the newest fragrance from Dedcool!
✸ A new, really exciting secret website for paying subscribers of Feeling! Magazine is now live! The site is being built-out, but a really wonderful section of Feeling! Wallpapers for desktop and mobile are now live. Only paying subscribers can access, so if you’d like to get the password, check the chat!
✸ Just a thank you for reading and an ask to consider supporting Feeling! with a subscription. If you’ve been reading for a while and really enjoying it, I would appreciate your support as I work on building out some really new, big, and wonderful work this year. I have been able to keep the subscription price the most accessible (the lowest I’m able to go on Substack: $5/month) for you. For $89/yr — you also join the mailing club and receive a greeting card in the mail each month!
Thank you, Hailey Howe, for your lovely work on Feeling! Magazine Graphics! You made this Monday Letter magical!
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Bring back the zest!!
Such a breath of fresh air to my heart!