Parties Need More Play
Why pulling a board game out is actually helpful, and eight games for people who don't like reading instructions.
This is a new column about the parts of hosting that don’t go on a moodboard. Today, we focus on the social game as a tool for forming bonds that last. I’ve included my secret weapon games, which are tried and true dinner party winners.
I knew I would write a hosting column for Feeling! but felt like Goldilocks in the process. I’ve hesitated to publish because nothing has felt quite right.
I penciled thoughts down for a while, but didn’t feel compelled by any of them. I have a habit of rushing ideas, but I tried to give this one space.
During these months of trying to get it right, I’ve simultaneously experienced a weird relationship with hosting. And I’ll tell you about it.
When we first moved to the city, we fell into friendships with a shocking ease. In mere months, I developed relationships with new friends that went deeper than friendships I had had for years. It was immersive, fast, and unbelievable. It felt like a sitcom.
Seasons passed, and life evolved the way it always does. The transience of a place like New York kicked in. People moved. People changed. Dynamics changed. Jobs changed. Schedules changed. RSVP’s often don’t mean much. That brief moment where it felt like everyone was always available, food was always being shared, and the sun was always shining became more complex and fleeting.
Good friendships endured, and I’m fortunate to have them. But that easy-breezy gathering flow I stumbled upon in the summer wasn’t as easy breezy by the fall. It actually takes a lot of work to maintain.
And THAT is what I’m curious about.
I want to write about it because I am living through it and want to find the answers.
How do you maintain community?
How do I host a dinner party when my feelings are hurt?
How do I make a gathering impactful beyond the photos taken?
What can I do, very practically, to make a table people feel connected to? How do I mix friend groups? What should I pull out if everyone stops talking? What do I do if people keep cancelling on me?
Gathering is more about the feeling in your gut after the party than the moodboard preparation beforehand. This friction is what is compelling to me.
My experience as a teacher orchestrating awkward middle school gatherings will serve as my primary guiding force. I have wiped tears away from a left-out student too many times to put my experience to waste. It turns out adults are a lot like middle schoolers.
Welcome to Hosting with Feeling! A column exclusively for paying subscribers, full of practical advice, realistic ideas, and straightforward methods for handling the most un-aesthetic parts of hosting. (The heart parts!)
Today, we discuss the essential art of the appetizer game.
Your next gathering needs an “appetizer game.” Which is a definition I made up for the short and easy-to-play, but super social board games. These work for people who hate sitting through instructions but love a lively conversation.
I completely changed my mind about board games at gatherings because I found a way to implement them to foster authentic connections better than conversation alone could.
I will teach you how to use a board game to speed up friendship building like it’s a magic spell. There is a bit of strategy involved, of course.
