How to Make Guests Feel Truly Welcome
Practical advice for getting the most important parts of hosting right.
Today’s free post and printable was made in partnership with Avery, my go-to label printing partner!
In 9th grade, I transferred high schools. This sounds pretty standard, but I implore you to remember what a middle-of-the-semester switch would feel like to a 14-year-old. I was listening to indie alt music to cope, I was lining up my outfits (and new personality) with meticulous uncertainty; it was a spiral.
Sticky with Florida humidity, my flat-ironed hair absorbed a slight crimp as I walked from the front office to my English class on my first day.
My newly printed schedule smelled like ink and looked like hieroglyphics.
“E208”
“Athletic Building”
“D22”
Where were all these places? The day felt like wandering through a labyrinth where everyone was already friends.
Then, the dreaded lunch bell. I planned to find someone I recognized from an earlier class and ask if I could sit with them. My English teacher also seemed really nice, so maybe I could just go find her if all else failed.
The chirpy lunch bell rang, and the floodgates opened. A rush of students filled the space like an interstate collision. I froze. All my plans flew out the window. I was glued to the floor, looking at the tables filling up with strangers, a pit in my stomach. Just as fleeing to the English teacher’s classroom started to sound really good, a girl touched my arm. “Jenna, right?” I nod in terror. “Do you want to come sit at our lunch table?” I nodded again. And so I sat there for a whole year, with my first friends.
What was the difference between her and every other kid in the lunchroom? I’m sure so many kind-hearted students walked right past me. Why did she stop?
She was intentional. She stopped her routine and noticed me. Beyond a fleeting wave of empathy, she made a conscious effort to see me and do something.
When I think about what kind of host I want to be, or really, what kind of person I want to be, I aspire to be as purposeful as that thoughtful fourteen-year-old in a lunchroom.
We can all remember a time when we were invited to something that felt intentionless. Have you ever arrived at a party and the host didn’t even notice you arrive? The space feels uninviting and cold, even if it is full of people. It’s hard to articulate why you feel so unwelcome, but it leaves you with that raw feeling of a new kid at lunch. There is no certain place to sit, no one is looking out for you, and little thought is given to the guests’ experience.
Elaborate themes, tablescapes, and Pinterest boards seemingly contradict this picture of a thoughtless host. Yet, they can produce the same feeling in your gut. Beautifully designed doesn’t equate to warm. This is because the true intention of hosting is outside the menu and tablecape.
Hosting in any capacity — from a dinner with friends, to a birthday party, a brand event, or a murder mystery night — is a form of temporary magic. You create a moment that can never be repeated. You can host on the same holiday with the same people, but year by year, it is different. Even with the same formula, you have different results. You only get the present briefly.
If you’ve lost a family member or loved one, you find a new appreciation for how important each gathering actually was. At the moment, it felt commonplace, but looking back, it was all very precious.
And behind all of the temporary magic of gathering, intentionality is the key ingredient. It is a conscious concern for those around you that moves you outside your routine, and often inconveniences you in a way that leaves you better than you were before.
If you are looking to infuse intentionality into your next gathering, here are some practical ideas to implement:
Use Real Plates
One of my favorite writers on hosting, Edith Schaeffer, lived in the Swiss Alps. She had a quaint table outside their chalet where any wanderer could come sit down for a hot meal if they were hungry. She insisted they eat with a tablecloth, a real plate, real silverware, a lit candle, and flowers in a vase. It was dignifying and necessary, she contended.
When did we all get so rushed? Our grandparents didn’t use paper plates. Even dinner was incredibly thoughtful, down to the doilies on the tables. And in a world trying to sell you a lot of things, I think worthy investments include: a really good tablecloth for all occasions, durable plates, a versatile vase, and some cloth napkins. Bring out the real stuff to show your guests care. They are worth washing dishes. Even the tactile material pushes us to slow down and move with purpose.
Design communicates intention, so have fun with it too!
Make Namecards
I think sometimes we don’t want to seem bossy or demanding as hosts, but we neglect something our guests really want: some basic direction. A namecard shows, in a simple yet impactful way, that you anticipated your guests.
You considered their presence at the table in a practical manner. This adds a spark of creativity to your table, too. You could make a design yourself, hand-lettering their name.
Or — you could use mine! I created five summer dinner party designs for you to utilize for hosting. They were designed with love and drawn by hand to enhance all your tables this coming season.
I printed them through Avery, which is the 90-year-old printing company that invented the adhesive label! This is the brand I have used for printing my snail mail addresses, home labels, and creative packaging for years.
I ordered my colorful designs as “tent cards,” printed on smooth, thick cardstock. Now I have a drawer full of custom name cards in various designs that I can pull out at any future gathering to enhance the guests’ experience. Whether it’s a small group or a large one, the name card adds that extra thoughtful effort that guests will carry with them long after the night ends.
Here is a PDF for the hand-drawn files, my gift to you! You can seamlessly order them here, as a custom-printed 2x3.5” rectangle card, or if you have a printer at home, you can order this printable template and print it yourself.
Make an effort to lead the conversation somewhere good
The conversation and the company are arguably the most important parts of getting together. That is what everyone will remember, after all. Just like you make an effort to cook a meal or make a delicious drink to serve, be effortful in stewarding rich conversation.
You don’t have to take charge or try to have any agenda for the night. Just ask more questions. Lead by asking.
Here are some prompts to keep in your back pocket for your next get-together:
What song instantly transports you back to childhood?
Describe the most comforting meal someone has ever made for you.
What is the most memorable restaurant experience you’ve ever had? What stood out?
What was the big drama that happened at your high school?
When you were a child, who did you think was the coolest person you knew? Why them?
Which make-believe villain or monster would actually scare you the most in real life? And which one do you feel you could take on in a fist fight scenario?
What is the most unbelievable day of work you’ve ever experienced?
What is the worst advice someone has ever given you?
What is your favorite scent? Weird answers only. (Mall fountains, nail salons, gas pumps, produce aisle, etc.)
What is a meal you’ve been making or craving lately?
Who is someone in your life who has been challenging you to see things differently recently?
Have you ever gotten lost? Who found you?
What’s something in your routine that has recently filled you with joy?
What’s a life skill you think should be taught in all schools?
What movie has made you cry the absolute hardest? Why do you think it got you so bad?
What genre of movie would your life be? And who would you cast to play you?
What is a recent moment that made you feel like a child again?
Who was your favorite teacher growing up? Why?
What is your favorite movie to watch on a plane?
Have you ever had an accidental near-death experience? What happened?
Who was the first person you ever remember having a crush on? Where are they now?
Where is the best place you’ve ever traveled? And where was the worst?
What’s a fear you used to have but overcame?
Have you ever befriended a stranger on a trip?
As a host, describe your dream dinner party and your guest list.
Who at the table would be a better candidate for a Survivor contestant? (Defend your choice)
What is a job you’ve never tried but think you’d be really good at?
When someone comes to you for help, what are they normally asking for help with?
What do you do to make a bad day feel better?
What is the most page-turning fictional book you’ve ever read?
What is something you think everyone should try at least once in their life?
What kind of place would you most like to live in?
What’s something you had to work really hard to unlearn?
What’s something you frequently take for granted?
What color is your personality? (But everyone else answers for you)
What is a skill you’d like to really master?
How would your close friends describe you?
What is something not a lot of people know about you that you believe is significant?
What’s a mistake you have made more than once?
What do you feel you are being taught in this season?
Be the type of person who invites the new kid to their lunch table. Notice others, invite them in, repeat. Your ability to welcome guests to a table with a name card especially for them will leave a feeling they will remember for years to come. I sure do.
A One-Week-Only Celebration:
I have been trying to think through a way to thank you for your support and simultaneously invite you to join this next exciting chapter of Feeling!
I have kept my monthly rate for subscriptions at $5 since 2023, which is the lowest Substack lets you go. Since I’ve kept my subscription rate so low, I’ve never offered a sale.
But for one week, I will do this massive sale, and then I will never do it again. Here’s why:
I am building something new, and I’d really like to make it accessible to you. If you’ve enjoyed this publication for a while, this drastic discount is a way to jump on board for the best experience possible.
This is the cusp, the perfect time to join in, because so many new features are coming out (starting in May).
The paid annual subscription ($25) will offer:
Access to the new “Hosting with Feeling!” column, all about how to do the human parts of hosting
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A membership to our card-writing matchmaking service (launching in May), which included exclusive discounts to Feeling! Press products)
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A note: Working with brands and businesses helps make this magazine dream come true. If I do work on a paid basis with a brand, I disclose the partnership to my readers. A few of the links I included in this article are from ShopMy, which gives the curator a little payment if someone buys a product from their recommendation. If you shop from my links, you directly support my creative work. Thank you!
GROUP PROJECT: I am looking for wholesome stories about a time you were invited to someone's lunch table, literally or metaphorically. When did someone make you feel welcomed in? Looking to include your story in a future post!