Growing up, I never really was allowed to have friends over, and so when I finally moved out of my parent's house and out on my own for college, I was determined to have as many hangouts, parties, and dinners as possible with my friends. 5 years later, my house is now the third space me and my friends have always craved. I don't think a day goes by where I don't have at least one friend drop by. On Mondays, we host D&D. Tuesday and Thursday nights are "open invitation nights" for dinners I make. Wednesday are movie nights. Fridays are cocktail nights, where my boyfriend makes all of our friends cocktails he's been trying. Saturdays are full of lunches or dinner parties we host and Sundays are for board games with our friends. Any and all of our friends are always invited, and so we have a steady rotation of friends that show up. One of our friends who is currently still in college likes to refer to my house as their "college home" since they live in the dorms still. This experience has not only been healing for my inner child who had been lonely growing up, but healing for all my other friends who also had lonely childhoods. There is always something to look forward to in my home, and I couldn't be happier!
I love how you used your own story to bless other people. How beautiful to turn that hurt into something that marks people forever. I love your schedule of having the door open.
We live on a corner lot, and when our house was originally built in the early 00s, the owners decided to purchase the parcel next to the lot so they would have a large side yard. Without this, the true 'behind the house' yard would be incredibly small. Since we have the double lot, we've created a third space for our neighbors and kids. We put in a large concrete pad for basketball and pickleball games, a ninja warrior course, and a trampoline. I built a small vegetable garden in the back corner that the kids know they can pick from and eat (mostly cucumbers, snap peas, cherry tomatoes, and peppers). Kids know they are always welcome to play in our yard, and I often put out a cutting board with random snacks on it after school, like cut-up apples, crackers, pretzels, or slices of cheese. We keep a stack of plastic Adirondack chairs out for adults, and there is also a picnic table. We live in Iowa, so there is a lull in the year, but kids still play outside as long as they can. In the summer months, we often have 8-10 kids in our yard and parents sitting and chatting after work. We didn't have any friends when we moved here, so my husband and I started just sitting outside while our kids (then toddlers) would play. Slowly, people with kids would start saying hi or their kids would see ours and want to play, too. I read once that if you want to have a village, you have to be a villager, and putting ourselves out there in a low-stakes way really paid off.
This is a dream. Those kids will remember your space forever — because you made it for them. I am inspired by your intentionalality to welcome everyone in and taking notes for how I may be able to do this in New York where space is so limited. Thank you for sharing — your neighbors are so blessed to have you there!
I just came here to say that if this was a physical magazine i would be overjoyed <3 I can picture myself sitting on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon with a mug of something nice, fire on, flicking through - please make this happen!
I love when I read your newsletters and have to keep track of all the things I'm wanting to comment as I read. :)
I think this is a hot chocolate year for sure! I feel like lots of us are ready for simpler choices in a lot of areas, and maybe that applies to the vast world of beverages as well.
I've been thinking a lot about how to make my home into a third space. We've been blessed by so many people as we've built it and I truly hope that the blessing doesn't stop when the house is complete but that we'll be able to pass it on by opening up our doors! My sister and I recently taught our sister-in-law how to can applesauce in my kitchen which was probably the first (if small) "third space" that our house has been. I also want to host a clothing (and maybe book) swap for anyone who wants to come as I've got a bunch of clothes in all sizes and styles to jumpstart the swap from a secondhand reselling business I closed. And if you've got a bit of land (a more likely occurrence if you live in the middle of nowhere vs NYC haha) bonfires are always a great way to bring neighbors together. I feel like sitting around a fire takes away the awkward of silences that typically come when you're getting to know people at events.
I'm excited to listen to those songs! I love the juxtaposition of your NYC scenes with what is in my head when I listen to the songs I know on that list--"The Story" by Brandi Carlile makes me think of being 18 and listening to my "summer dusk" songs as I walked through the fields on my parents farm with our trusty yellow lab. "See The Love" was on my falling asleep playlist so I always feel like I'm back in my bedroom shared with my sister in our quiet farmhouse when I hear that one. And "Thrive" (and many other songs on that album) immediately put raindrops on car windows, driving down back roads at night, in my mind.
hot cocoa is so underrated and I hope we are all collectively returning to it this winter as a special drink of choice! ☕️ also I’m not sure if this answers your question, but I like to switch up the uses of some of the rooms in my apartment - sometimes I’ll work on the couch instead of the desk, sit in a different chair to watch tv, and (my personal favorite) sleep on the couch sometimes in attempts to recreate slumber party vibes 🛋️
We had a men's retreat at our church a few weeks ago and I hosted a coffee shop pop up for all the wives and moms! Inspired by you and it was the sweetest time! I made a menu and even printed some themed coloring pages for the kids who came. It was so lovely! Looking forward to more third space hosting. 💖
I loved your piece in Inkwell and am so glad I found your work! Love this issue and we need more work centered on joy!!
I have used my home as a third space lots, often with friends or roommates helping host. some ways: neighborhood coffee shop (providing treats and drinks and a place to hang out, long dinners in the summer, winter potlucks, weekly book clubs, Friendsgivings, Galentines, holiday parties, the works! Hosting (for us) (or for anyone) can be big or small — sometimes there’s a theme and a whole event, sometimes its “hey we’ll have snacks come on over.” People come either way!
Two tips I’ll give is that recurring events (ie come over every Friday!) work well and help people know when to hold space in often crowded calendars, and always introduce people when they arrive to at least one other person there, saying something the two have in common so you can help them get a conversation going. It helps people feel at ease and get connected!
I moved from Los Angeles to Minneapolis a couple years ago. Bought a house with my husband, and my dream was to have a basement movie theater. We’ll host small screenings of movies, especially in October of horror films. I prefer it to going to actual movie theaters most of the time!
I’m about to have my house as a third space for my friends!! I’m hosting a Friendsgiving. Although, it’ll still be expensive for my parents since my mom offered to buy sushi for everyone, but I could have easily requested that my friends each bring a simple dish!
My husband is the preacher at our congregation & we try really hard to be a third space for people. Even when we had twin baby girls to juggle, we opened our homes to others. It’s not necessarily easy, but you learn tips and tricks as you go. We’ve been inviting people into our home for 9 years now & I’ve learned to let go of standards of perfection. Sometimes there are toys in the hallway & dishes in the sink. We always clean to the best of our abilities, but we would never host if we waited for perfect. We hosted in our 900 sq ft. apartment, our first house with a tiny dining room, and our current home full of all the things 6 people need and use everyday. It’s worth it to make memories with others!
As a huge fan of your newsletter, but also a broke student savoring every penny, I look forward to the free zine drop every week. So I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that seeing my comment featured in here genuinely made my day!!
Also, in my opinion, your article on turning your kitchen into a restaurant really fits the "third places" topic. With a little imagination and intention, I think you can turn any place into something bigger. So right now, I'm about to grab some popcorn and go to the movie theatre. (my friends sofa)
Jenna! I had decided to do a local hot cocoa tour this winter and now I feel 1. so validated and 2. like I can do a comparative cocoa-off from my kitchen as well. Thank you for this cozy newsletter - I loved reading about others holiday memories and being reminded that its really about the simple things.
I was driven to comment about your question re: third spaces, since as recovering Catholic, I deeply miss having a space for community and connection outside of work. I don't know if I would say we've achieved true third-spacedom, but I am proud of the parties that my husband and I throw 3-4 times a year. We have a few simple rules (1. Don't let the cat out, 2. Don't be an asshole, 3. Don't drink and drive) and often have a light theme, simple food (once it was a bunch of pizzas from Costco + Costco brand pesto. Once it was just hotdogs cooked in the cast iron on the stove, etc.) and something to amuse people (Fishbowl/Bowl of Nouns is a classic, but we also rely on the card game "Spot It", beer/water pong, and other things that are easy to pick up and play). Invitations are casual over text, no RSVP necessary, and I always try to include "Friends and lovers welcome!" so people know they can bring a friend. These parties are not aesthetic - by the end of the night people are always using the random glassware from the very back of the cabinet -- but they have proven to be a great way to feel our community around us and see them connect and form bonds with each other.
tl;dr have the party! it doesnt have to be perfect!
Before we bought a house this year, my husband and I lived in an apartment above our church offices, right next to our church. We are the youth leaders and I work in college ministry so as personal and cozy as our little apartment felt, it truly was a third space. So many people popped over for casual discipleship, Bible studies, cry sessions, and lots and lots of tea and hot cocoa. SO when we moved into our new house it was already baked into us that it should be a space for people. A little retreat center, if you will. I think one of the things that helps us keep our door open is by making hosting very, very simple. I have a super easy but fun tea/cocoa/coffee set up. I try to have cookie mix on hand, or I just offer them whatever’s hanging out in my fridge. A jar of fun/deep questions lives permanently in the coffee table. Community is really such a gift, and I cherish the fact that people WANT to come over.
Also!! A fellow Switchfoot fan! Only Hope is really one of those perfect songs that brings me right back.
I love you think of your space as a "retreat center," how special! It sounds like you have it set up to feel like one at all times, which is so lovely.
Growing up, I never really was allowed to have friends over, and so when I finally moved out of my parent's house and out on my own for college, I was determined to have as many hangouts, parties, and dinners as possible with my friends. 5 years later, my house is now the third space me and my friends have always craved. I don't think a day goes by where I don't have at least one friend drop by. On Mondays, we host D&D. Tuesday and Thursday nights are "open invitation nights" for dinners I make. Wednesday are movie nights. Fridays are cocktail nights, where my boyfriend makes all of our friends cocktails he's been trying. Saturdays are full of lunches or dinner parties we host and Sundays are for board games with our friends. Any and all of our friends are always invited, and so we have a steady rotation of friends that show up. One of our friends who is currently still in college likes to refer to my house as their "college home" since they live in the dorms still. This experience has not only been healing for my inner child who had been lonely growing up, but healing for all my other friends who also had lonely childhoods. There is always something to look forward to in my home, and I couldn't be happier!
I love how you used your own story to bless other people. How beautiful to turn that hurt into something that marks people forever. I love your schedule of having the door open.
We live on a corner lot, and when our house was originally built in the early 00s, the owners decided to purchase the parcel next to the lot so they would have a large side yard. Without this, the true 'behind the house' yard would be incredibly small. Since we have the double lot, we've created a third space for our neighbors and kids. We put in a large concrete pad for basketball and pickleball games, a ninja warrior course, and a trampoline. I built a small vegetable garden in the back corner that the kids know they can pick from and eat (mostly cucumbers, snap peas, cherry tomatoes, and peppers). Kids know they are always welcome to play in our yard, and I often put out a cutting board with random snacks on it after school, like cut-up apples, crackers, pretzels, or slices of cheese. We keep a stack of plastic Adirondack chairs out for adults, and there is also a picnic table. We live in Iowa, so there is a lull in the year, but kids still play outside as long as they can. In the summer months, we often have 8-10 kids in our yard and parents sitting and chatting after work. We didn't have any friends when we moved here, so my husband and I started just sitting outside while our kids (then toddlers) would play. Slowly, people with kids would start saying hi or their kids would see ours and want to play, too. I read once that if you want to have a village, you have to be a villager, and putting ourselves out there in a low-stakes way really paid off.
This is a dream. Those kids will remember your space forever — because you made it for them. I am inspired by your intentionalality to welcome everyone in and taking notes for how I may be able to do this in New York where space is so limited. Thank you for sharing — your neighbors are so blessed to have you there!
I just came here to say that if this was a physical magazine i would be overjoyed <3 I can picture myself sitting on the sofa on a Sunday afternoon with a mug of something nice, fire on, flicking through - please make this happen!
I am working on making your dreams come true!
I love when I read your newsletters and have to keep track of all the things I'm wanting to comment as I read. :)
I think this is a hot chocolate year for sure! I feel like lots of us are ready for simpler choices in a lot of areas, and maybe that applies to the vast world of beverages as well.
I've been thinking a lot about how to make my home into a third space. We've been blessed by so many people as we've built it and I truly hope that the blessing doesn't stop when the house is complete but that we'll be able to pass it on by opening up our doors! My sister and I recently taught our sister-in-law how to can applesauce in my kitchen which was probably the first (if small) "third space" that our house has been. I also want to host a clothing (and maybe book) swap for anyone who wants to come as I've got a bunch of clothes in all sizes and styles to jumpstart the swap from a secondhand reselling business I closed. And if you've got a bit of land (a more likely occurrence if you live in the middle of nowhere vs NYC haha) bonfires are always a great way to bring neighbors together. I feel like sitting around a fire takes away the awkward of silences that typically come when you're getting to know people at events.
I'm excited to listen to those songs! I love the juxtaposition of your NYC scenes with what is in my head when I listen to the songs I know on that list--"The Story" by Brandi Carlile makes me think of being 18 and listening to my "summer dusk" songs as I walked through the fields on my parents farm with our trusty yellow lab. "See The Love" was on my falling asleep playlist so I always feel like I'm back in my bedroom shared with my sister in our quiet farmhouse when I hear that one. And "Thrive" (and many other songs on that album) immediately put raindrops on car windows, driving down back roads at night, in my mind.
(Told you I had lots to say haha oops.)
Glad we apparently like a lot of the same songs!
Love your thoughts on third spaces — you have so many great ideas!
Hey, great read as always. Hot cocoa and a good book? Thats my ideal evening.
hot cocoa is so underrated and I hope we are all collectively returning to it this winter as a special drink of choice! ☕️ also I’m not sure if this answers your question, but I like to switch up the uses of some of the rooms in my apartment - sometimes I’ll work on the couch instead of the desk, sit in a different chair to watch tv, and (my personal favorite) sleep on the couch sometimes in attempts to recreate slumber party vibes 🛋️
We had a men's retreat at our church a few weeks ago and I hosted a coffee shop pop up for all the wives and moms! Inspired by you and it was the sweetest time! I made a menu and even printed some themed coloring pages for the kids who came. It was so lovely! Looking forward to more third space hosting. 💖
I loved your piece in Inkwell and am so glad I found your work! Love this issue and we need more work centered on joy!!
I have used my home as a third space lots, often with friends or roommates helping host. some ways: neighborhood coffee shop (providing treats and drinks and a place to hang out, long dinners in the summer, winter potlucks, weekly book clubs, Friendsgivings, Galentines, holiday parties, the works! Hosting (for us) (or for anyone) can be big or small — sometimes there’s a theme and a whole event, sometimes its “hey we’ll have snacks come on over.” People come either way!
Two tips I’ll give is that recurring events (ie come over every Friday!) work well and help people know when to hold space in often crowded calendars, and always introduce people when they arrive to at least one other person there, saying something the two have in common so you can help them get a conversation going. It helps people feel at ease and get connected!
I moved from Los Angeles to Minneapolis a couple years ago. Bought a house with my husband, and my dream was to have a basement movie theater. We’ll host small screenings of movies, especially in October of horror films. I prefer it to going to actual movie theaters most of the time!
Hot cocoa having a resurgence?! Yay because I’ve never not had countless cups between October and March 😂🙌 the best!
I absolutely love that you share serial fiction on here! And this made me crave a big mug of hot chocolate!
I’m about to have my house as a third space for my friends!! I’m hosting a Friendsgiving. Although, it’ll still be expensive for my parents since my mom offered to buy sushi for everyone, but I could have easily requested that my friends each bring a simple dish!
My husband is the preacher at our congregation & we try really hard to be a third space for people. Even when we had twin baby girls to juggle, we opened our homes to others. It’s not necessarily easy, but you learn tips and tricks as you go. We’ve been inviting people into our home for 9 years now & I’ve learned to let go of standards of perfection. Sometimes there are toys in the hallway & dishes in the sink. We always clean to the best of our abilities, but we would never host if we waited for perfect. We hosted in our 900 sq ft. apartment, our first house with a tiny dining room, and our current home full of all the things 6 people need and use everyday. It’s worth it to make memories with others!
As a huge fan of your newsletter, but also a broke student savoring every penny, I look forward to the free zine drop every week. So I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that seeing my comment featured in here genuinely made my day!!
Also, in my opinion, your article on turning your kitchen into a restaurant really fits the "third places" topic. With a little imagination and intention, I think you can turn any place into something bigger. So right now, I'm about to grab some popcorn and go to the movie theatre. (my friends sofa)
Emma!! Thanks for reading Feeling!! That is so kind of you!
Jenna! I had decided to do a local hot cocoa tour this winter and now I feel 1. so validated and 2. like I can do a comparative cocoa-off from my kitchen as well. Thank you for this cozy newsletter - I loved reading about others holiday memories and being reminded that its really about the simple things.
I was driven to comment about your question re: third spaces, since as recovering Catholic, I deeply miss having a space for community and connection outside of work. I don't know if I would say we've achieved true third-spacedom, but I am proud of the parties that my husband and I throw 3-4 times a year. We have a few simple rules (1. Don't let the cat out, 2. Don't be an asshole, 3. Don't drink and drive) and often have a light theme, simple food (once it was a bunch of pizzas from Costco + Costco brand pesto. Once it was just hotdogs cooked in the cast iron on the stove, etc.) and something to amuse people (Fishbowl/Bowl of Nouns is a classic, but we also rely on the card game "Spot It", beer/water pong, and other things that are easy to pick up and play). Invitations are casual over text, no RSVP necessary, and I always try to include "Friends and lovers welcome!" so people know they can bring a friend. These parties are not aesthetic - by the end of the night people are always using the random glassware from the very back of the cabinet -- but they have proven to be a great way to feel our community around us and see them connect and form bonds with each other.
tl;dr have the party! it doesnt have to be perfect!
YAY COCOA!!
Yes to Fishbowl always — that is such a good one! Love how you host!
Before we bought a house this year, my husband and I lived in an apartment above our church offices, right next to our church. We are the youth leaders and I work in college ministry so as personal and cozy as our little apartment felt, it truly was a third space. So many people popped over for casual discipleship, Bible studies, cry sessions, and lots and lots of tea and hot cocoa. SO when we moved into our new house it was already baked into us that it should be a space for people. A little retreat center, if you will. I think one of the things that helps us keep our door open is by making hosting very, very simple. I have a super easy but fun tea/cocoa/coffee set up. I try to have cookie mix on hand, or I just offer them whatever’s hanging out in my fridge. A jar of fun/deep questions lives permanently in the coffee table. Community is really such a gift, and I cherish the fact that people WANT to come over.
Also!! A fellow Switchfoot fan! Only Hope is really one of those perfect songs that brings me right back.
Switchfoot forever.
I love you think of your space as a "retreat center," how special! It sounds like you have it set up to feel like one at all times, which is so lovely.