if it's of interest i'd love to send a more detailed email. i've got a lot to say about life-long friendships (i'm one of the lucky few in the 7+ close friends category).
in brief, my tips for making friends are vulnerability (both for making the initial connection and for allowing people in), mutual effort (be intentional about growing a connection and make time for people), shared hobbies (i've been able to grow my friend group in my big city through weekly trivia nights), trust (lean on others and let yourself be leaned on, and show up when you're asked to), adapatability (be creative about maintaining long distance friendships or friendships with different or changing schedules), and common values (i recently was able to pull off having four of my friends from different life stages meet and hang out for a whole night and i knew it would work because i know there's a similar foundation in all my friend groups. everyone had an amazing night and i felt so fulfilled).
i've absolutely lost friendships. i really struggled with maintaining friendships prior to college and most of mine would not last from one school year to the next. some friendships disolved naturally and some were a big, dramatic falling out that left a massive hole. some were talked through later, sometimes even years later, and some i still have questions about. but nearly a decade of struggling to sustain relationships made me all the more grateful for the many close friendships i have both in my city and long distance. i know i am very fortunate, but i also know i've put in the work to get here.
1. The most important ingredient in friendships is TIME. People you can spend hours doing nothing with and feel completely at ease; people with whom it is NOT a massive chore to align your calendars to schedule something months in advance. (Living near your friends really helps with this too!) So the top tip would be: if there's someone you want to be friends with, or an existing friendship you value, put. in. the. time. Don't wait until a special occasion to schedule a hang. Stay in regular contact. (I talk to my two best friends on Marco Polo every day, even though we live in three different states!) Invite them on errand hangs or over for dinner on a regular weeknight, and let them see your house in its messy state.
2. Friendship breakups have been more devastating for me than romantic ones, I think because they DON'T feel resolved. Each time it's happened, it's been more of a slow fade, but that didn't make it any less painful.
1) I sustain and maintain friendships by keeping in multiple forms of contact besides texting and social media. I have a lot of long distance friendships, so I send cards, letters, and little things through the mail. I also give my friends grace—everyone is very busy and the world is on fire so it’s okay if we text once a week! Setting up dates that work for both/all of us to call or FaceTime is very helpful. Additionally, I don’t let my love wane. In friendships that are mutually beneficial you will both feel the love even if you haven’t seen each other in 5 years and only talk occasionally :)
2) I lost a friendship in the middle of college, around COVID. It felt like i took a blindfold off, because this person had been bossing me around since high school. We did have some good times but I always felt like I had to prove myself. Everything had to be about her, and what she wanted to do. Her family was not welcoming, so going over to the house always put me on edge. I went to college in a different state, so I hate to say I just stopped reaching out as much. There was nothing I felt needed to be resolved. I didn’t move back home after college, and our other mutual friends went through similar things to me so we stuck together and collectively don’t talk to her anymore. She congratulated me on graduating which I responded politely. But I was done.
I’m joining!!! This is the year I’m getting back into reading for fun!
1. I sustain and maintain friendships with catch-up calls for long distance friends, but always making space to just talk about daily life things so it doesn’t just feel like everything is based on just filling each other in on what’s happened since we talked last. I like to text people when I see something that reminds me of them, tell my friends how much they mean to me, and try for regular hangouts that are low-key.
2. I’ve had a few friendship breakups, and I don’t think it ever gets easier. It’s devastating when it feels like you’ve done all you can to save the friendship but the other person isn’t able or willing to do the same. It’s felt like the friendships I lost meant more to me than it did to them, and it hurts so badly because you lose someone who once understood you so deeply.
A good friend once told me though that love given is never wasted, love is an infinite resource, and they choose to never regret having loved. This keeps me going when I feel the pang of loss when I think about friendships I’ve lost.
I try to sustain and maintain friendships by regularly initiating hangouts. I think reliability, consistency, and relatability are key to building a strong, healthy friendship. From what I’ve experienced, whether it lasts or not is out of my hands; sometimes people move away, interests change, and schedules no longer align. Even so, I do try to build friendships that last by simply being kind, listening well, being trustworthy, and being dependable.
I lost a friendship a few years ago because of a mistake that I’d made. I felt absolutely horrible; knowing that I hurt her was a terrible feeling. I apologized profusely, and she forgave me, but if I’m being honest, I never truly forgave myself because I hurt such a sweet person, and I no longer have her as a friend.
First up on the list is an ARC I secured on Netgalley: Habits of the Sea by Shea Ernshaw. It's being billed as for fans of The Time Traveller's Wife, and I must say I have been chasing the emotional trauma of that book ever since I read it over 20 years ago.
The dot color calendar is so cute!! It reminds me of the site tinypalette.io - every day I make my little aesthetic color palette :) such a fun little practice!
I am joining the challenge :) Reminds me of the summer challenges from when I was a little girl. So excited for the nostalgia and the pleasure of reading a lot during these hot months ahead!
So excited for the reading challenge! I'm a middle school librarian and the scholastic book fair is still thriving! Scented highlighters!
I might humbly suggest making the top prizes more random vs who finishes quickest. It might create pressure to read certain books because their faster/shorter. And penalize folks with busier lives who are still reading as much as they can. Speaking from my experience trying to incentivize reading for middle schoolers 😂
Lauren! Thank you for this suggestion. I would trust middle school librarians to solve global crises on our behalf, so I'm going to take your advice and change the winning method!
1. The biggest part about creating friendships at this point (and the part I’m trying to work on the most) is just showing up for people. Celebrating their wins, helping them garden at their place or organize, being there in hard times. Making the effort to reach out and check in and show up when you can.
2. I lost my best friend from college, the friend I spent each day with and wanted to spend each waking moment with. I loved this girl more than I can express. After college, a couple of particular conflicts made the whole thing fall apart. It still hurts, and it’s been a couple of years now. I feel an ounce of closure but contemplate reaching out weekly because this friendship was truly something special.
I'm a little late, but this is the best thing I've seen lately and literally what I needed! I just talked to my friend how I need to read more again :) Going to print the challenge sheet and I'm super excited to start 😄
Check out your local library for their summer reading challenge too! If you plan on doing this (which you should!) might as well get some goodies from the library an support them too! I know on my city, for adults they are giving a free book or a hat with some Pizza Hut coupons like when we were kids!
Just joined! Is there a printable version of the chart? And should I sign up my kids separately if they want to do it?
As for friendships - I try to reach out to friends when they pop into my head. Whenever I see or read something that makes me think of them I try to send a quick "I was thinking about you". Because how often do we put that off because we're too busy and then feel less connected?? I am going through a hard time with one friendship now due to a mistake I made, and honestly and it feels terrible, and i'm hoping it will recover if I apologize enough!
Who is joining the challenge?? Say hello in the comments so we can meet each other!
Here is part two of the Friendship poll:
1. How do you sustain and maintain friendships? What are your top tips for building something that lasts?
2. If you’re willing to share, was there ever a time you lost a friendship? And what did that feel like? Did you ever feel resolved?
Just printed the challenge and about to go to my local bookstore for some cutie stickers to REALLY get into it. <3
Let’s GO!
Maybe a silly Q, but how do we email or DM the finished Chart? DM on IG? I don't think substack let's you send pics.
Substack dm's on desktop or app allow you to send pictures! Or you could email to jennaisfeeling@gmail.com
if it's of interest i'd love to send a more detailed email. i've got a lot to say about life-long friendships (i'm one of the lucky few in the 7+ close friends category).
in brief, my tips for making friends are vulnerability (both for making the initial connection and for allowing people in), mutual effort (be intentional about growing a connection and make time for people), shared hobbies (i've been able to grow my friend group in my big city through weekly trivia nights), trust (lean on others and let yourself be leaned on, and show up when you're asked to), adapatability (be creative about maintaining long distance friendships or friendships with different or changing schedules), and common values (i recently was able to pull off having four of my friends from different life stages meet and hang out for a whole night and i knew it would work because i know there's a similar foundation in all my friend groups. everyone had an amazing night and i felt so fulfilled).
i've absolutely lost friendships. i really struggled with maintaining friendships prior to college and most of mine would not last from one school year to the next. some friendships disolved naturally and some were a big, dramatic falling out that left a massive hole. some were talked through later, sometimes even years later, and some i still have questions about. but nearly a decade of struggling to sustain relationships made me all the more grateful for the many close friendships i have both in my city and long distance. i know i am very fortunate, but i also know i've put in the work to get here.
Man, I just want to send you a hug. I like your words and your evaluation of how some things resolve, some don't, but you still have gratitude.
1. The most important ingredient in friendships is TIME. People you can spend hours doing nothing with and feel completely at ease; people with whom it is NOT a massive chore to align your calendars to schedule something months in advance. (Living near your friends really helps with this too!) So the top tip would be: if there's someone you want to be friends with, or an existing friendship you value, put. in. the. time. Don't wait until a special occasion to schedule a hang. Stay in regular contact. (I talk to my two best friends on Marco Polo every day, even though we live in three different states!) Invite them on errand hangs or over for dinner on a regular weeknight, and let them see your house in its messy state.
2. Friendship breakups have been more devastating for me than romantic ones, I think because they DON'T feel resolved. Each time it's happened, it's been more of a slow fade, but that didn't make it any less painful.
I love the conclusion about time. I think we often wonder why friendships haven't deepened, but it's likely because they can't be rushed.
And I'm seeing the lack of resolve as a pattern in these responses (and my personal experience) — which is so interesting.
I am joining the challenge!!
1) I sustain and maintain friendships by keeping in multiple forms of contact besides texting and social media. I have a lot of long distance friendships, so I send cards, letters, and little things through the mail. I also give my friends grace—everyone is very busy and the world is on fire so it’s okay if we text once a week! Setting up dates that work for both/all of us to call or FaceTime is very helpful. Additionally, I don’t let my love wane. In friendships that are mutually beneficial you will both feel the love even if you haven’t seen each other in 5 years and only talk occasionally :)
2) I lost a friendship in the middle of college, around COVID. It felt like i took a blindfold off, because this person had been bossing me around since high school. We did have some good times but I always felt like I had to prove myself. Everything had to be about her, and what she wanted to do. Her family was not welcoming, so going over to the house always put me on edge. I went to college in a different state, so I hate to say I just stopped reaching out as much. There was nothing I felt needed to be resolved. I didn’t move back home after college, and our other mutual friends went through similar things to me so we stuck together and collectively don’t talk to her anymore. She congratulated me on graduating which I responded politely. But I was done.
just signed up and very excited to broaden my reading horizons!
Summer of READING!
I’m joining!!! This is the year I’m getting back into reading for fun!
1. I sustain and maintain friendships with catch-up calls for long distance friends, but always making space to just talk about daily life things so it doesn’t just feel like everything is based on just filling each other in on what’s happened since we talked last. I like to text people when I see something that reminds me of them, tell my friends how much they mean to me, and try for regular hangouts that are low-key.
2. I’ve had a few friendship breakups, and I don’t think it ever gets easier. It’s devastating when it feels like you’ve done all you can to save the friendship but the other person isn’t able or willing to do the same. It’s felt like the friendships I lost meant more to me than it did to them, and it hurts so badly because you lose someone who once understood you so deeply.
A good friend once told me though that love given is never wasted, love is an infinite resource, and they choose to never regret having loved. This keeps me going when I feel the pang of loss when I think about friendships I’ve lost.
Reading for FUN! Let's go!
"Love is never wasted." What a comfort.
I am joining the challenge!
I try to sustain and maintain friendships by regularly initiating hangouts. I think reliability, consistency, and relatability are key to building a strong, healthy friendship. From what I’ve experienced, whether it lasts or not is out of my hands; sometimes people move away, interests change, and schedules no longer align. Even so, I do try to build friendships that last by simply being kind, listening well, being trustworthy, and being dependable.
I lost a friendship a few years ago because of a mistake that I’d made. I felt absolutely horrible; knowing that I hurt her was a terrible feeling. I apologized profusely, and she forgave me, but if I’m being honest, I never truly forgave myself because I hurt such a sweet person, and I no longer have her as a friend.
Welcome to the challenge! And thank you for your thoughtful feedback about friendship.
hello ! so excited for this just started 2 book of ACOTAR looking forward to all the different recommendations too!
what a great series to escape into!
I'm joining!
First up on the list is an ARC I secured on Netgalley: Habits of the Sea by Shea Ernshaw. It's being billed as for fans of The Time Traveller's Wife, and I must say I have been chasing the emotional trauma of that book ever since I read it over 20 years ago.
Oooo this sounds very interesting!
I'm excited for it!
I’m absolutely joining the challenge!! I love talking about books over on bookstagram, so always down to share recs 🤩
The dot color calendar is so cute!! It reminds me of the site tinypalette.io - every day I make my little aesthetic color palette :) such a fun little practice!
Ok I’m down for this, love what we’re bringing to the table
I am joining the challenge :) Reminds me of the summer challenges from when I was a little girl. So excited for the nostalgia and the pleasure of reading a lot during these hot months ahead!
Hello! I am joining the challenge ❤️ So excited!
Welcome!!
So excited for the reading challenge! I'm a middle school librarian and the scholastic book fair is still thriving! Scented highlighters!
I might humbly suggest making the top prizes more random vs who finishes quickest. It might create pressure to read certain books because their faster/shorter. And penalize folks with busier lives who are still reading as much as they can. Speaking from my experience trying to incentivize reading for middle schoolers 😂
Lauren! Thank you for this suggestion. I would trust middle school librarians to solve global crises on our behalf, so I'm going to take your advice and change the winning method!
Excited for the challenge! I see they have to be read by July 31st - what’s the start date? Today?
I’m joining the challenge! Hi everyone :)
1. The biggest part about creating friendships at this point (and the part I’m trying to work on the most) is just showing up for people. Celebrating their wins, helping them garden at their place or organize, being there in hard times. Making the effort to reach out and check in and show up when you can.
2. I lost my best friend from college, the friend I spent each day with and wanted to spend each waking moment with. I loved this girl more than I can express. After college, a couple of particular conflicts made the whole thing fall apart. It still hurts, and it’s been a couple of years now. I feel an ounce of closure but contemplate reaching out weekly because this friendship was truly something special.
Welcome to the challenge! This will be fun!
I am so sorry to hear how hard the loss was, and I am sure many many others can resonate with your experience. It hurts!
I'm a little late, but this is the best thing I've seen lately and literally what I needed! I just talked to my friend how I need to read more again :) Going to print the challenge sheet and I'm super excited to start 😄
Welcome to the challenge!!
Check out your local library for their summer reading challenge too! If you plan on doing this (which you should!) might as well get some goodies from the library an support them too! I know on my city, for adults they are giving a free book or a hat with some Pizza Hut coupons like when we were kids!
Oooo I like this tip!
Jenna I need you to know that my husband and I are OBSESSED The Mysterious Benedict Society. So good.
It’s the best read. I just love it.
I'm in for the challenge! Any chance we can get the reading log as a PDF?
Just added it to the post! Thanks for joining in!
Just joined! Is there a printable version of the chart? And should I sign up my kids separately if they want to do it?
As for friendships - I try to reach out to friends when they pop into my head. Whenever I see or read something that makes me think of them I try to send a quick "I was thinking about you". Because how often do we put that off because we're too busy and then feel less connected?? I am going through a hard time with one friendship now due to a mistake I made, and honestly and it feels terrible, and i'm hoping it will recover if I apologize enough!
Just put the PDF version in the post! And YES! I am so excited to have kids participate, please sign them up too!