I’m joining!!! This is the year I’m getting back into reading for fun!
1. I sustain and maintain friendships with catch-up calls for long distance friends, but always making space to just talk about daily life things so it doesn’t just feel like everything is based on just filling each other in on what’s happened since we talked last. I like to text people when I see something that reminds me of them, tell my friends how much they mean to me, and try for regular hangouts that are low-key.
2. I’ve had a few friendship breakups, and I don’t think it ever gets easier. It’s devastating when it feels like you’ve done all you can to save the friendship but the other person isn’t able or willing to do the same. It’s felt like the friendships I lost meant more to me than it did to them, and it hurts so badly because you lose someone who once understood you so deeply.
A good friend once told me though that love given is never wasted, love is an infinite resource, and they choose to never regret having loved. This keeps me going when I feel the pang of loss when I think about friendships I’ve lost.
I try to sustain and maintain friendships by regularly initiating hangouts. I think reliability, consistency, and relatability are key to building a strong, healthy friendship. From what I’ve experienced, whether it lasts or not is out of my hands; sometimes people move away, interests change, and schedules no longer align. Even so, I do try to build friendships that last by simply being kind, listening well, being trustworthy, and being dependable.
I lost a friendship a few years ago because of a mistake that I’d made. I felt absolutely horrible; knowing that I hurt her was a terrible feeling. I apologized profusely, and she forgave me, but if I’m being honest, I never truly forgave myself because I hurt such a sweet person, and I no longer have her as a friend.
if it's of interest i'd love to send a more detailed email. i've got a lot to say about life-long friendships (i'm one of the lucky few in the 7+ close friends category).
in brief, my tips for making friends are vulnerability (both for making the initial connection and for allowing people in), mutual effort (be intentional about growing a connection and make time for people), shared hobbies (i've been able to grow my friend group in my big city through weekly trivia nights), trust (lean on others and let yourself be leaned on, and show up when you're asked to), adapatability (be creative about maintaining long distance friendships or friendships with different or changing schedules), and common values (i recently was able to pull off having four of my friends from different life stages meet and hang out for a whole night and i knew it would work because i know there's a similar foundation in all my friend groups. everyone had an amazing night and i felt so fulfilled).
i've absolutely lost friendships. i really struggled with maintaining friendships prior to college and most of mine would not last from one school year to the next. some friendships disolved naturally and some were a big, dramatic falling out that left a massive hole. some were talked through later, sometimes even years later, and some i still have questions about. but nearly a decade of struggling to sustain relationships made me all the more grateful for the many close friendships i have both in my city and long distance. i know i am very fortunate, but i also know i've put in the work to get here.
1. The most important ingredient in friendships is TIME. People you can spend hours doing nothing with and feel completely at ease; people with whom it is NOT a massive chore to align your calendars to schedule something months in advance. (Living near your friends really helps with this too!) So the top tip would be: if there's someone you want to be friends with, or an existing friendship you value, put. in. the. time. Don't wait until a special occasion to schedule a hang. Stay in regular contact. (I talk to my two best friends on Marco Polo every day, even though we live in three different states!) Invite them on errand hangs or over for dinner on a regular weeknight, and let them see your house in its messy state.
2. Friendship breakups have been more devastating for me than romantic ones, I think because they DON'T feel resolved. Each time it's happened, it's been more of a slow fade, but that didn't make it any less painful.
First up on the list is an ARC I secured on Netgalley: Habits of the Sea by Shea Ernshaw. It's being billed as for fans of The Time Traveller's Wife, and I must say I have been chasing the emotional trauma of that book ever since I read it over 20 years ago.
Just joined! Is there a printable version of the chart? And should I sign up my kids separately if they want to do it?
As for friendships - I try to reach out to friends when they pop into my head. Whenever I see or read something that makes me think of them I try to send a quick "I was thinking about you". Because how often do we put that off because we're too busy and then feel less connected?? I am going through a hard time with one friendship now due to a mistake I made, and honestly and it feels terrible, and i'm hoping it will recover if I apologize enough!
1. The biggest part about creating friendships at this point (and the part I’m trying to work on the most) is just showing up for people. Celebrating their wins, helping them garden at their place or organize, being there in hard times. Making the effort to reach out and check in and show up when you can.
2. I lost my best friend from college, the friend I spent each day with and wanted to spend each waking moment with. I loved this girl more than I can express. After college, a couple of particular conflicts made the whole thing fall apart. It still hurts, and it’s been a couple of years now. I feel an ounce of closure but contemplate reaching out weekly because this friendship was truly something special.
1. Making time for friendships and shared interests have helped me build long lasting friendships. To maintain friendships, I’m a part of several group chats where we send each other funny jokes or just try to check in with one another. I also host a lot of parties and get togethers at my house for that in person connection.
2. Friendship breakups are especially painful. The hardest one happened between me and one of my closest college friends. After we graduated, she just stopped talking to me altogether and froze me out. The most painful part is I have no idea what I did or said that could have caused it. The not knowing really hurts.
very excited to join the reading challenge! Do we update book by book or once we finish fifteen? (btw the mysterious benedict society was my favorite book for pretty much all of my childhood)
Love love love this idea! So funny, I was just sharing in a staff meeting how I wish adults took reading as seriously as we did during Read Across America Week in school. As a former student and teacher, I loved the competition (and the prize at the end) — nothing motivated me quite like a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut! Thanks for bringing this to life!
I am joining the challenge! I am so excited! hullo fellow readers!
1. My high school friend group is family to me and everyone on the outside of those relationships told me to start grieving those friendships early as we neared graduation because "once everyone leaves for college high school friends don't matter to anyone." I really resented that, and maybe I got lucky, but almost 8 years later they are all still close friends and coming to my wedding in a few weeks. The friendships are different, of course, and I don't know always know their daily ups and downs the way I did when we were seated across the school cafeteria tables every day for weeks on end, but I think what has kept those friendships strong is making the effort to reach out when I think of them, and that we've all given each other the space to grow and change in our own time. And just having a genuine curiosity in who they are as people; listening, letting them feel heard and known and safe and having compassion when someone makes a mistake and making sure we communicate through it. Finding the time to make new memories instead of only reliving our old ones. I am a terrible texter but I love writing notes to old friends or sending pictures that "made me think of you!" And they do the same for me, and make the effort to support me or come out for coffee when we're in the same area. So I guess a lot of genuine, real love, respect, sacrifice, and curiosity. Communication. And it helps to make friends with the right people in the first place :)
I was JUST TWO DAYS AGO lamenting to my husband about how I don’t read fiction like I used to and I miss it and I want to start reading for fun again, and how I’d have to invent a reading challenge for myself or something, so of course I just joined!!! Can’t wait!
1. Consistency, I think. And choosing to believe the best. Having grace for each other.
2. I lost a nearly 20 year long friendship, we grew up together, and it was all because of a tragically small miscommunication/misunderstanding between our families, and my friend and I never talked about it, we simply just never talked again. So no, no resolve. Sometimes I ache to call her and find out about her life and share about mine (I’ve gotten married since we “broke up” and never got to share that with her, among other things). I wonder if she feels the same ache or if she’s perfectly happy having moved on. I used to have dreams about the whole affair and I don’t have the dreams so much anymore, and for the most part I’m at peace with it all, but sometimes I still ache and I still wonder.
This is such a fun challenge! I just finished Mysterious Benedict Society with my daughter and it was so much fun. If you’ve never read The Princess Bride (the book is so much better than the movie!) I highly suggest it!
Who is joining the challenge?? Say hello in the comments so we can meet each other!
Here is part two of the Friendship poll:
1. How do you sustain and maintain friendships? What are your top tips for building something that lasts?
2. If you’re willing to share, was there ever a time you lost a friendship? And what did that feel like? Did you ever feel resolved?
I’m joining!!! This is the year I’m getting back into reading for fun!
1. I sustain and maintain friendships with catch-up calls for long distance friends, but always making space to just talk about daily life things so it doesn’t just feel like everything is based on just filling each other in on what’s happened since we talked last. I like to text people when I see something that reminds me of them, tell my friends how much they mean to me, and try for regular hangouts that are low-key.
2. I’ve had a few friendship breakups, and I don’t think it ever gets easier. It’s devastating when it feels like you’ve done all you can to save the friendship but the other person isn’t able or willing to do the same. It’s felt like the friendships I lost meant more to me than it did to them, and it hurts so badly because you lose someone who once understood you so deeply.
A good friend once told me though that love given is never wasted, love is an infinite resource, and they choose to never regret having loved. This keeps me going when I feel the pang of loss when I think about friendships I’ve lost.
I am joining the challenge!
I try to sustain and maintain friendships by regularly initiating hangouts. I think reliability, consistency, and relatability are key to building a strong, healthy friendship. From what I’ve experienced, whether it lasts or not is out of my hands; sometimes people move away, interests change, and schedules no longer align. Even so, I do try to build friendships that last by simply being kind, listening well, being trustworthy, and being dependable.
I lost a friendship a few years ago because of a mistake that I’d made. I felt absolutely horrible; knowing that I hurt her was a terrible feeling. I apologized profusely, and she forgave me, but if I’m being honest, I never truly forgave myself because I hurt such a sweet person, and I no longer have her as a friend.
if it's of interest i'd love to send a more detailed email. i've got a lot to say about life-long friendships (i'm one of the lucky few in the 7+ close friends category).
in brief, my tips for making friends are vulnerability (both for making the initial connection and for allowing people in), mutual effort (be intentional about growing a connection and make time for people), shared hobbies (i've been able to grow my friend group in my big city through weekly trivia nights), trust (lean on others and let yourself be leaned on, and show up when you're asked to), adapatability (be creative about maintaining long distance friendships or friendships with different or changing schedules), and common values (i recently was able to pull off having four of my friends from different life stages meet and hang out for a whole night and i knew it would work because i know there's a similar foundation in all my friend groups. everyone had an amazing night and i felt so fulfilled).
i've absolutely lost friendships. i really struggled with maintaining friendships prior to college and most of mine would not last from one school year to the next. some friendships disolved naturally and some were a big, dramatic falling out that left a massive hole. some were talked through later, sometimes even years later, and some i still have questions about. but nearly a decade of struggling to sustain relationships made me all the more grateful for the many close friendships i have both in my city and long distance. i know i am very fortunate, but i also know i've put in the work to get here.
1. The most important ingredient in friendships is TIME. People you can spend hours doing nothing with and feel completely at ease; people with whom it is NOT a massive chore to align your calendars to schedule something months in advance. (Living near your friends really helps with this too!) So the top tip would be: if there's someone you want to be friends with, or an existing friendship you value, put. in. the. time. Don't wait until a special occasion to schedule a hang. Stay in regular contact. (I talk to my two best friends on Marco Polo every day, even though we live in three different states!) Invite them on errand hangs or over for dinner on a regular weeknight, and let them see your house in its messy state.
2. Friendship breakups have been more devastating for me than romantic ones, I think because they DON'T feel resolved. Each time it's happened, it's been more of a slow fade, but that didn't make it any less painful.
I'm joining!
First up on the list is an ARC I secured on Netgalley: Habits of the Sea by Shea Ernshaw. It's being billed as for fans of The Time Traveller's Wife, and I must say I have been chasing the emotional trauma of that book ever since I read it over 20 years ago.
Oooo this sounds very interesting!
I'm excited for it!
I'm in for the challenge! Any chance we can get the reading log as a PDF?
Just added it to the post! Thanks for joining in!
Just joined! Is there a printable version of the chart? And should I sign up my kids separately if they want to do it?
As for friendships - I try to reach out to friends when they pop into my head. Whenever I see or read something that makes me think of them I try to send a quick "I was thinking about you". Because how often do we put that off because we're too busy and then feel less connected?? I am going through a hard time with one friendship now due to a mistake I made, and honestly and it feels terrible, and i'm hoping it will recover if I apologize enough!
Just put the PDF version in the post! And YES! I am so excited to have kids participate, please sign them up too!
I’m joining the challenge! Hi everyone :)
1. The biggest part about creating friendships at this point (and the part I’m trying to work on the most) is just showing up for people. Celebrating their wins, helping them garden at their place or organize, being there in hard times. Making the effort to reach out and check in and show up when you can.
2. I lost my best friend from college, the friend I spent each day with and wanted to spend each waking moment with. I loved this girl more than I can express. After college, a couple of particular conflicts made the whole thing fall apart. It still hurts, and it’s been a couple of years now. I feel an ounce of closure but contemplate reaching out weekly because this friendship was truly something special.
Hello! Definitely joining the challenge. Quick question, will there be a separate group chat for the reading updates?
I’m joining the challenging!
1. Making time for friendships and shared interests have helped me build long lasting friendships. To maintain friendships, I’m a part of several group chats where we send each other funny jokes or just try to check in with one another. I also host a lot of parties and get togethers at my house for that in person connection.
2. Friendship breakups are especially painful. The hardest one happened between me and one of my closest college friends. After we graduated, she just stopped talking to me altogether and froze me out. The most painful part is I have no idea what I did or said that could have caused it. The not knowing really hurts.
very excited to join the reading challenge! Do we update book by book or once we finish fifteen? (btw the mysterious benedict society was my favorite book for pretty much all of my childhood)
All aboard the reading challenge!! SO cute! First book on the list: Life Impossible by Matt Haig.
What email do we send our 15 read books to when we finish the challenge? Thanks!
Love love love this idea! So funny, I was just sharing in a staff meeting how I wish adults took reading as seriously as we did during Read Across America Week in school. As a former student and teacher, I loved the competition (and the prize at the end) — nothing motivated me quite like a free personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut! Thanks for bringing this to life!
I am joining the challenge! I am so excited! hullo fellow readers!
1. My high school friend group is family to me and everyone on the outside of those relationships told me to start grieving those friendships early as we neared graduation because "once everyone leaves for college high school friends don't matter to anyone." I really resented that, and maybe I got lucky, but almost 8 years later they are all still close friends and coming to my wedding in a few weeks. The friendships are different, of course, and I don't know always know their daily ups and downs the way I did when we were seated across the school cafeteria tables every day for weeks on end, but I think what has kept those friendships strong is making the effort to reach out when I think of them, and that we've all given each other the space to grow and change in our own time. And just having a genuine curiosity in who they are as people; listening, letting them feel heard and known and safe and having compassion when someone makes a mistake and making sure we communicate through it. Finding the time to make new memories instead of only reliving our old ones. I am a terrible texter but I love writing notes to old friends or sending pictures that "made me think of you!" And they do the same for me, and make the effort to support me or come out for coffee when we're in the same area. So I guess a lot of genuine, real love, respect, sacrifice, and curiosity. Communication. And it helps to make friends with the right people in the first place :)
I was JUST TWO DAYS AGO lamenting to my husband about how I don’t read fiction like I used to and I miss it and I want to start reading for fun again, and how I’d have to invent a reading challenge for myself or something, so of course I just joined!!! Can’t wait!
1. Consistency, I think. And choosing to believe the best. Having grace for each other.
2. I lost a nearly 20 year long friendship, we grew up together, and it was all because of a tragically small miscommunication/misunderstanding between our families, and my friend and I never talked about it, we simply just never talked again. So no, no resolve. Sometimes I ache to call her and find out about her life and share about mine (I’ve gotten married since we “broke up” and never got to share that with her, among other things). I wonder if she feels the same ache or if she’s perfectly happy having moved on. I used to have dreams about the whole affair and I don’t have the dreams so much anymore, and for the most part I’m at peace with it all, but sometimes I still ache and I still wonder.
This is such a fun challenge! I just finished Mysterious Benedict Society with my daughter and it was so much fun. If you’ve never read The Princess Bride (the book is so much better than the movie!) I highly suggest it!
This is so fun and nostalgic! I’m so excited to be a part of the reading challenge! 🥰
What a great idea, Jenna! Just wondering, will you be shipping the prizes only within the U.S.? Thanks
How exciting! I love a good reading challenge. I'm gonna give it a try!
Welcome to the club!!