How to Make Birthdays Feel More Magical
How to remember everyone's birthday, out-of-the-box party ideas, and becoming the person who gives really thoughtful gifts.
Maybe for you, birthdays were always magical. Paper crowns, balloons, pool parties, cake, stuffed animals with party hats, sweet memories. Maybe you carefully and meticulously crafted a birthday wish list in your Lisa Frank journal with your gel glitter pen. Maybe you couldn’t sleep the night before because you were so excited to see all your family and friends, and you had plotted out which outfit you’d wear.
Or maybe birthdays were mostly forgotten in your house. Memories of tight budgets, hurt feelings, and grief float to the top at the mention of the word “birthday.” Maybe there was a dinner, or a gift, or maybe nothing at all. (I’m very sorry for any forces at play that have left you with a belief that you are not worth celebrating — that is a lie)
However you grew up, and however the date on the calendar feels, it comes every year, forever. So I would like to propose a reframe.
What if — now that we are the grown-ups — it’s our job to make the birthdays of the people in our lives special? Like…what if we owned that? Whether we had good memories of our own birthday or not, we now have the opportunity to connect the word “birthday” to the act of wildly loving the people we care about. How cool to redeem it & make it our new story to be that person who goes out of their way to celebrate someone else.
(I also reframed cooking and cleaning for the rest of your life here…I like a reframe!)
This is my unofficial guide to doing birthdays better. Including: tips for not forgetting, hosting, and what to buy someone as a gift!
📅 On Not Forgetting:
Suddenly, everyone I’ve ever met has a birthday like every week. I think that’s something that happens when you become an adult. Throughout the last few years, I have, truthfully, missed so many birthdays by accident. But how am I practically supposed to keep track of everyone’s birthday?
If you want to be more intentional about sending “happy birthdays” to friends, I have one tip that helped me a lot. (plan for a 1-2 hour little project)
I made a Google Calendar specifically titled “Birthday” and made it a nice lavender purple color.
I plugged in as many birthdays as I could! This did take some time/effort to collect. I texted friends, called my mom & got a list of family members’ birthdays, and dug through Facebook. As time goes on, I am mindful about adding new friends as I go through different seasons.
I set each birthday to repeat annually!
Make sure your notifications are turned on — and boom! You are set for years to come!
*If I wanted to get to the next level of efficiency, I could look at all the birthdays coming and write/mail cards in one swoop at the start of each month.
If you love someone, remember their birthday! Especially for friends who live far away, or don’t have close family, or are in a lonely season. Birthdays can be tender ground — you don’t always know the story behind them. You could potentially be one of the only people in their life who remembers, so take that opportunity!
🎂 On Hosting a Party:
Hosting doesn’t need to be elaborate, but it should be intentional.
Here are some ideas for out-of-the-box birthdays you could plan for a friend and absolutely knock their socks off:
Birthday Breakfast: Host morning festivities in your own space. Instead of cake, do sprinkles in pancakes with whipped cream. Have another friend pick up lattes from a favorite local café. Or become home baristas and make your own! Do a little craft together. Get gingham table cloths, fresh OJ, and a ton of fruit and baked goods!
Outdoor Garden Tea Party: Use a backyard or local park to put out some frilly tablecloths, little sandwiches, and brewed tea (iced or hot, depending on the season). Blast classical music. I’d recommend question cards as the activity! Just bask in delicious conversation and a menu of teas (get a blueberry tea on your list, for me). I’ve tried different conversation cards, and I like the Lumitory question cards because they are not cheesy, yet still dig a little deeper (and the packaging design, which is how I make decisions, generally lol). I’ve used them at a girls’ night and we had rich conversation! They are a super cool small business and gave me a 15% discount to give my readers if you order from this link.
Nostalgia Party: This works best as a complete surprise. You (and some helpers) need to carefully dig and find out the birthday person’s favorite birthday memory from childhood. And then you recreate it meticulously and surprise them. Maybe it’s a Mario-themed video game night with pizza. Or a pool party with hot dogs (my tenth birthday bash). It will probably make them cry, btw, so save this for the really good friends.
An Extreme Home Makeover Party: Do you remember how on Extreme Home Makeover they would ask a kid what they liked and then they would go SO HARD on that theme for their room? If a kid mentioned they kind of liked rocks, they’d make their room a giant cave or something? Time to do that for your friend. The more ridiculous, the better. Do they like matcha? Everything green. All the food is matcha-based. Do they like their dog? Great. Everyone comes dressed as their dog. Heavy on the “extreme.” Something obscure is even funnier (like your co-worker’s favorite thermos, or your friend’s favorite professor)
A Mystery Scavenger Hunt: You could plan a mystery scavenger hunt, of course. Bring back the childhood joy of the hide-and-seek/manhunt feeling. I did a two-hour murder mystery party through Chinatown for my husband Connor’s birthday. We had 20 friends come and I wrote a character for everyone, hid clues throughout the city, and watched them unravel the mystery.
They even came dressed as their characters!
💌 On Mail Etiquette:
Send a card! Stock an old shoe box with card designs you love. Keep stamps on hand. When a birthday approaches, take five minutes and write something thoughtful!
It doesn’t have to be a book, just a sentence or two that mean something.
Throw in a sticker. A pressed flower. Cut your own confetti. A weird old photo booth strip. The fact that it arrives in the mail is half the gift!
We’ve forgotten what it feels like to check the mailbox and find a treasure — be the person who brings it back.
On What to Buy Someone:
The majority of this post is about gifts! It serves to give you a reference to save for later (forever) for any upcoming gifting. Save this for when you need it, instead of drawing a blank.
*Tip: Make a note on your phone with a list of the names of people you always get birthday gifts for. Add ideas throughout the year so you don’t come up blank. (example: If I’m shopping with my mom and I see she likes a certain soap, I write it my notes to remember for later.)
🎁 The Gifting Formula:
Do not stress about getting a gift. There is a template to knock it out of the park:
1. Personal Touch + 2. Usefulness or Delight + 3. Unexpected Elevation
1. Personal Touch
This shows that the gift is just for them, not something generic. It might connect to:
Their hobby, taste, or passion
An inside joke or shared memory
Something they've mentioned wanting or needing
Their love language (words, quality time, acts of service, gifts, touch)
Example: A custom playlist + headphones for your music-loving friend.
2. Usefulness or Delight
The best gifts are actually used, OR they spark genuine joy.
“Usefulness” = something they’ll use weekly or daily.
“Delight” = something that feels special, unique, or dazzling.
Example: An unusual candle in their favorite scent, or a kitchen gadget they didn’t know they needed.
3. Unexpected Elevation
This is where you go a level up — not more money, but more thought:
A handwritten card or note
Special packaging or a themed presentation
An inexpensive bonus add-on (i.e., tea with the mug, playlist with the book)
Making the moment (not just the item) feel magical
Example: A book paired with a bookmark you designed + a tea blend + “reading music.” Boom. So thoughtful!
🪄 Let’s go shopping!
I’ve never done a gift guide on Substack! But I am ready!! Here are a TON of birthday gift ideas at different price points:
For the Friend Who is a Ray of Sunshine:
Ban.do News Vase $28.95
I have this vase on my dining table and get more compliments on it than anything else in my apartment.
To enhance: show up to the party with the vase already full of flowers!
The Cozy Grandma Friend (or your actual Grandma):
Vera Bradley Quilt Bag $62.50 | NYT Classic Crossword Book $20.99
Pair together or separately, these both emulate peace, quiet, and comfort.
To enhance: add some pens, grocery store $1 crossword books, a gift card to their favorite coffee shop/bookstore, or a throw blanket.
The Person Who Travels Too Much:
Abbode custom travel makeup bag $68
Get a custom-made waffle embroidered makeup bag from New York! You can customize every detail! This would also make a spectacular gift for a bride, a new mom, or someone who just got a promotion at work.
To enhance: fill with hand cream, eye cream, lip gloss, nail polish, bar soap, and/or a note of encouragement.
The Coffee Shop Enthusiast:
Matcha Tin $38 | Fellow Travel Mug $35
For the person who spends $9 on matcha at cafés, help them out! Gift some matcha and a to-go mug so they can take it to work. This Fellow mug does NOT spill (I am usually the person who learns the hard way what leaks).
To enhance: Add a matcha whisk, bowl, or a “for here” mug too.
The Person Who Loves Trinkets:
Soft Sardine Tine Jewelry Box $25 | Beaded Cherry Red Necklace $44
If someone you know likes being unique, but also is in tune with trends, they will be delighted with a little whimsical jewelry setup!
To enhance: Pack it in a bag with ring pops! Or add some real earrings. Or some real tinned fish.
The Home Chef:
Le Creuset Spoon Rest $30 | Rifle Paper Co. Recipe Book $40
For the home chef — wave in an air of luxury with a pop of Le Creuset! The recipe book is icing on the cake.
To enhance: Add some elevated pantry essentials, a nice wooden spoon, or put together some family recipes in the book ahead of time for them to discover.
For Literally Anyone You Know:
Custom L.L. Bean Boat Tote $34.95
If you know one unique thing about someone, have an inside joke, or are celebrating a new season of like with them, you can get it embroidered on a tote! They will feel seen, but it is also a bag they will actually use!
To enhance: fill with their favorite candies, soda cans, or a new book.
A Girl You are Just Getting to Know — but want to be friends with:
Baggu Makeup Bag $38 | Tower 28 Lipgloss pack $56
You cannot go wrong with this combo. It is basically an elevated Limited Too. The set of lip gloss feels like Lip Smackers is so back. P.S. That purple color is actually “confetti cake” flavored, so if you need to pick one, pick that one! I have the Watermelon Kiwi one and can attest to the quality, color, and general nostalgia it gives.
To enhance: Fill with nail polish, a compact mirror, a fancy comb, or chocolates
A Boy That You Like:
Elwood Tee Pack $75 | Dog Keychain $35 | Elwood Hat $40
Do NOT give this to a boy you don’t actually like, okay? He’s gotta be really great. Elwood tees, matching hat, and an Americana dog keychain of man’s best friend. Bingo.
To enhance: a wallet, some nice sunglasses, a love letter??
Someone Who Radiates Warmth:
Onyx Coffee $19 | Antrho Mug $18
This gift works for anyone you know who drinks coffee, it doesn’t have to be someone you know super well! Great for a kind co-worker, teacher, or new friend.
A Man of Many Interests (but mostly likes to have fun):
Fish Pocket Knife $18 | Veiled Fate Board Game $89.99
There is a chance these gifts go together for a very specific man, but likely they are separate. The fish tool works for dads, uncles, brothers, cousins, male co-workers. The board game is for anyone who really likes games! In my opinion, it’s of the same difficulty level/framework as something like Catan, but you all have to keep a secret. It was independently produced, so they likely haven’t heard of it (which adds to your personal allure and mystery, you’re welcome). We have it, and my game-loving husband loves bringing people together to play it. I enjoy it every time I play, too!
To enhance: include wine with the fish, include popcorn/candy with the game for game night
Someone Who Just Moved:
Dirty Labs Detergent $28 | Dirty Labs Dryer Balls $18 | Dedcool Detergent $35 | Dedcool Dryer Sheets $12 | Laundry Sauce Oregon Mint $69
Get people practical, but elevated gifts! These are the best! Something you will have to buy anyway, but nicer than what you would buy yourself. I currently have a rotating list of detergents. Let me break them down.
Dirty Labs: Scent notes are matcha, jasmine, and vetiver. It’s a completely clean brand. I absolutely love how it makes my clothes smell and how it cleans stains. I like it best for our clothes.
Dedcool: Xtra Milk is my favorite household scent. It is light, but the coziest yummiest thing. I love to use it on my linens. I like this especially for my bedding!
Laundry Sauce: I’ve tried the Oregon Mint scent, and it makes me feel as if I have traveled for a stay at a Four Seasons. It’s more fragrant & potent. It smells like a luxury hotel. I like to use it on my towels and throw blankets!
The Coziest Person You Know:
Croissant Candle $46 | Croissant Jellycat Keychain $28
This one is self-explanatory. This may scream the name of someone you know well.
To enhance: Easy, bring real croissants!
Someone Who Loves to Host:
Dinner Parties Hat $30 | Dinner Parties Candle $45
For the hostess with the mostess — gift them with a matching hat and candle from Big Night’s shop in New York!
To enhance: a bottle of Ghia, wine, cheeses, snacks, or a gift card to Big Night!
That Person with the Really Cool Apartment:
Ghia Throw Blanket $65 | Dedcool Xtra Milk Linen Spray $40
Pair a cool throw with linen spray — any combo of those will be a hit. I love the abstract design on this throw from Ghia. And the Dedcool spray is the O’Brien home's signature scent. I couldn’t recommend it enough.
To enhance: cans of ghia, a coffee table book, candle, or framed art print.
The High-End Host/Foodie:
Swan Salt Cellar $82 | Pink Salt $22
Pair a luxury vintage swan salt cellar with fresh coarse salt. It’s an indulgence they would not have thought of for themselves, but they will relish it.
To enhance: linen napkins!
*Note: I am using ShopMy to link these items. Some items give me a commission if you purchase from my link, which is a really cool way to support my creative work! Thank you, diligent birthday shoppers!
If you would find this tool useful for your own writing/as an avenue to be a curator that is supported by their readers, you can sign up for Shop My with my referral link without having to do the application process. Go forth and curate! (or just use the app to make your own wishlists, it’s fun!) I’m rooting for you!
🎈BONUS GIFT IDEAS:
Under $10 Birthday Gifts:
Mini watercolor set or small sketchbook — great for creative friends and easy to personalize.
Single-serve fancy coffee or tea sampler — a small upgrade to their daily routine.
Secondhand book with a personal note inside — thoughtful and inexpensive.
Mini scented candle or wax melts — choose a unique or seasonal scent.
Custom playlist with printed cover art — like an old-school mixtape made modern.
Mini potted plant or succulent — low-maintenance and cheerful.
Artisan chocolate bar or unique candy — something they wouldn’t usually splurge on.
Personalized keychain or sticker set — Etsy has creative options under $10.
Handmade soap or bath bomb — adds a touch of luxury to everyday life.
"Open When..." letters — write 3–5 short letters for different moods or situations.
Under $20 Birthday Gifts:
A beautifully illustrated journal or planner — perfect for someone who loves to write or organize.
A small puzzle, game, or deck of cards— ideal for cozy nights in or travel entertainment.
A pair of fun or cozy socks + a favorite snack — a simple comfort combo.
A cute ceramic mug + a few tea bags or hot cocoa packets — warm and personal.
A candle in a reusable jar or tin — adds ambiance and can be repurposed.
A set of gel pens, markers, or brush pens — great for students, creatives, or planners.
A printed art print from a local or indie artist — choose something aligned with their style.
A small makeup or skincare item — like a tinted balm, clay mask, or travel-size favorite.
A tiny photo album or brag book — fill it with printed memories for a personal touch.
MORE INBOX CANDY:
✸ How to Host a Home Café, complete with a task list, printable invites, and menu designs!
✸ Printable Spring Bucket List designs, and a heartfelt update on this digital publication
✸ Mind Gardening: Thoughts, things, art, challenges, and feelings to be curious about, dwell on, discover, and explore.
✸ A Color Study of cherry red and seafoam blue/green (and a lobster phone wallpaper)
🐚 Read more thoughtfully created articles here
🍒 Let’s be internet friends, please! @ jennaisfeeling
🍉 Shop colorful prints jennao.studio
🪄 Get more inspiration
Group Project: Share in the comments the best birthday gift you’ve ever GIVEN or received! 🎂⭐️🤝
I share my birthday with my mother. Tbh, i have never known how to have a birthday on my own. Overall, I think I had a neutral experience. But nothing amazing I can recall.
As a new mom myself, I want to reframe how I view birthdays. I want my son to feel super special, no matter how big/small.